This blog post was inspired by—and is a response to—a comment I received on my “ De-Westernizing Creative Worldbuilding ”  blog post. To the commenter: thank you so, so, so  much for such an insightful, inspired, and deeply thoughtful response. Your comment was the kind of comment a blogger can only hope for—one rooted in curiosity, challenge, and a genuine desire to understand. I appreciate your questions, your openness, and your willingness to dig into the murky, complicated places. In the spirit of that conversation, I wanted to reflect—honestly and expansively—on the questions you raised. Not as a rulebook, but as a living meditation. A continuation. Because the longer I do this work, the more I believe: fiction isn’t freedom from responsibility—it’s an invitation to hold it more carefully. Here were the questions that sparked this post: What counts as cultural appropriation in fantasy? Can we borrow from ancient traditions ethically? How deeply do we need to understand a culture before drawing inspiration from it? And how much of ourselves must we confront along the way? So with that, let’s get into it :) Table Of Contents Question #1: Can a fantasy culture ever be “immune” to cultural appropriation? Question #2: Is it “yours to emulate”? Do we have that right? Question #3: Would using a Hula-like dance in a warlike, slave-owning culture be objectionable? Question #4: So how do we learn about cultures authentically, without living there? Question #5: Is it worth the time to do all this learning when I just want to write a book? Is It Possible To Culturally Appropriate A Dead Civilization? Symbols Don’t Exist in Isolation Curiosity As A Worldbuilder’s Compass Philosophy As A Tool for Worldbuilders A Note on Nuance Beyond Binary: Escaping the “One True Way” When In Doubt, Hire Sensitivity Readers Concluding Thoughts Question #1: Can a fantasy culture ever be “immune” to cultural appropriation? Short answer? No. A fictional culture doesn’t automatically exempt us from real-world ethics.   Longer answer: The intention behind a worldbuilding choice does matter, but it doesn’t erase impact. If a story or invented culture borrows from real-life traditions—especially ones that have historically been exoticized, erased, colonized, or commodified—then you’re entering sacred terrain. And with that comes responsibility.   Borrowing becomes appropriation when: It detaches an element from its context, purpose, or meaning. It reinforces stereotypes or power imbalances. It reduces the element to aesthetic, plot device, or “vibe” while erasing the people it came from.   Even if you’re not trying to be accurate or directly represent a culture, readers can still recognize influences. That means your work doesn’t exist in a vacuum—it enters a cultural conversation. So the real question isn’t just, can I do this? but why am I doing this, and who might it affect?   Question #2: Is it “yours to emulate”? Do we have that right?  We don’t “own” anything as creators. We are part of a long, generational ecosystem of stories, influences, rituals, and relationships. Some elements of that ecosystem are meant to be shared. Others are not. So when you ask, "Do I have the right?" My answer is, you have the opportunity . But with opportunity comes ethical weight. If a tradition, symbol, or practice is sacred or deeply rooted in the survival and identity of a culture, then you must: Learn its meaning before transforming it. Ask yourself if your story deepens or distorts. Consider if your voice is the right one to tell that story—or if you should step back and amplify someone else’s instead.   I've often ask myself: Is this my story to tell?  For example, I want to better understand the horrors of oppression and slavery—how systems of dehumanization shape identity, culture, and legacy. But as a white-presenting woman living in a relatively liberal state, I’ve never feared for my life because of my skin color. I’ve never been systemically targeted or brutalized because of my gender. So no, that legacy isn’t mine. And I don’t pretend that it is. That doesn’t mean I’m not fascinated by history—especially the darkest parts we’d rather not look at. I believe deeply that history should not be forgotten or repeated. And as a writer, I learn best through empathy: by stepping into other people’s lives, perspectives, and emotional realities. Writing is one of the few ways I know how to do that. But I don’t take that lightly. If I choose to engage with these themes in my work, I do so with reverence. With humility. With the understanding that my lens will always be incomplete. Which is why I will always— always —seek out sensitivity readers , beta readers, and critical feedback from people with lived experience. Not to get a stamp of approval. But to be held accountable. Because writing beyond yourself isn’t inherently wrong. But doing it without care, without collaboration, without listening? That’s where the damage happens.   Question #3: Would using a Hula-like dance in a warlike slave-owning culture be objectionable? Yes, absolutely. Here’s why: Hula is not just a movement or performance. It is sacred and deeply connected to the Hawaiian culture. It holds history, prayer, genealogy, spiritual lineage, among many other things. To transplant it—to strip it of that important meaning—into a context that mirrors systems of oppression and inequality, especially if that culture is coded as “savage,” “other,” or “barbaric,” can easily become a form of narrative violence. Expansion on the Hula Example Expanding on the commenters example of using a dance based on Hula in a fictional culture that’s warlike, individualistic, and oppressive. They proposed that if they gave the dance “new roots” in their story—if they explained how it evolved in their fictional world and changed its symbolism—then it would no longer be Hula, and therefore wouldn’t be appropriation. That’s an understandable instinct. But here’s the nuance: Changing the context doesn’t change the visual language. Even if you invent a new origin story for the dance, the audience will still see  Hula —especially if the movements, rhythm, or aesthetic are visibly similar. The deeper cultural meaning may be gone, but the association  remains. And that association can’t be so easily erased or rewritten just because it’s in a new narrative. You’re right in saying that the dance would no longer be  Hula, in the literal sense. But that’s also kind of the problem. It becomes a hollow mimicry —something that looks like Hula, but has been stripped of its original spirit and transplanted into a context that may directly contradict or disrespect the values it was born from. Hula is   sacred.  Again, it holds ancestral memory, oral tradition, spiritual meaning. It’s not just “a dance” to borrow and bend—it is a living, breathing aspect of cultural identity. When you change its roots, especially without honoring or acknowledging its real-world counterpart, you risk erasure. And if the new fictional culture is oppressive, warlike, or violent—then you also risk associating that sacred cultural practice with values it never represented. This isn’t just about “bad optics.” It’s about whether we’re reinforcing narratives of dominance, misunderstanding, or flattening real traditions into fantasy set pieces. So, What Does It Mean to Truly Give Something New Roots? Giving something new roots in worldbuilding doesn't mean just tweaking its origin story. It means: Reimagining it from the inside-out , not the outside-in. Drawing inspiration from the function  and emotional resonance , rather than the form  or aesthetic. Asking, “How does this element make sense in this  culture’s worldview?” not “How can I make this look familiar to readers?” If you’re drawing from Hula, you might instead ask: What is this culture’s relationship to rhythm, movement, and storytelling? Do they believe dancing is sacred? Communal? Reserved for rituals? What values are embedded in their performance practices? The result might feel spiritually resonant  with Hula—but it will be born from within your world’s logic, instead of imitating the surface of someone else’s. If you want a dance to carry weight in your fictional culture, it must come with new roots and new meaning—ones that are internally coherent, emotionally resonant, and crafted from the inside-out. It can’t be a reskinned version of a real-world sacred act just because it “looks cool” or adds flavor. That’s surface-level writing at best—and extractive at worst.   Question #4: So how do we learn about cultures authentically, without living there? Mmmm , this might be my favorite question—both to be asked and to explore. Because this is where we, as creatives, get to be inventive and let our imaginations run wild. It’s where we try to step out of our own shoes, approach the world with as blank a canvas as possible, and open our eyes to new perspectives and lenses. For me, this is the heart of worldbuilding. The challenge isn’t just to invent —it’s to understand . To stretch beyond our defaults. To approach each fictional culture not as a reshuffled version of our own, but as a distinct worldview shaped by its own logic, values, and lived experiences. So how do I begin that process? Here’s how I approach it…   1. Multiple Points of Contact Primary Voices: Seek out writers, artists, and scholars from that culture. Preferably multiple perspectives. Folklore & Philosophy: These reflect worldview, moral values, and how a culture defines beauty, truth, and justice. Spiritual & Historical Texts: What does this culture hold sacred? What has it survived? Contemporary Media: Not just what the culture used to be, but what it is becoming.   2. Personal Curiosity with Communal Humility No single person speaks for an entire culture. But people do speak from lived experience. Approach conversations with care. Ask questions not to confirm what you think you know, but to listen to what you don’t.   3. Study Your Own Lens Perhaps most importantly: study your own culture and assumptions. That includes your philosophical inheritance—Western metaphysics, Christian morality, Enlightenment rationalism—as well as your narrative defaults: the hero’s journey, individualism, good vs. evil binaries. These often go unquestioned because they’re invisible to us because we've grown up with them. We inherit them as if they are truth , when they’re really just perspective . The commenter that left an essay in my comments section mentioned something that stuck with me—that even our desire to understand everything through logic is itself a cultural lens, not a universal truth. To be frank, I know very little about Nietzsche. But I do know a bit about Apollo and Dionysus and their symbolic dualities. I hadn’t consciously considered that the impulse to rationalize, define, and categorize could be a Western  trait rather than a human one. Their commentary intrigued me—especially what they said about how Western thought tends to overvalue logic and restraint. That really resonates with me, particularly when it comes to creativity and storytelling. Our Western, modern culture teaches us to distrust the wild, emotional, unexplainable parts of life. But in my experience, that’s where the most meaningful stories are born. And while I haven’t studied Nietzsche deeply, the Dionysus vs. Apollo framing—the tension between the chaotic and the ordered—has always rung deeply true to me. Dionysus’s wildness, that surrender to mystery, has always felt right  in a way I can’t fully explain. Some truths, I believe, are meant to be sought. Others are meant to be wondered at . Not solved, not tamed, not put into neat boxes. Just felt . That’s something I’ve come to accept in both life and storytelling: that not everything is meant to be understood. That some questions in my novels can be left unanswered to leave my readers wondering. That some of the richest experiences—the most meaningful, the most transformational—are the ones we can’t  name. They don’t hand us answers. They leave us with questions. And those questions shape us. One of my favorite quotes on this comes from Patrick Rothfuss in The Wise Man’s Fear : It's the questions we can't answer that teach us the most. They teach us how to think. If you give a man an answer, all he gains is a little fact. But give him a question and he'll look for his own answers... That way, when he finds the answers, they'll be precious to him. The harder the question, the harder we hunt. The harder we hunt, the more we learn. I, personally, have made peace with the fact that I am mortal, that I will never know everything, that I will never understand everything, and I don’t need to. That not everything will resolve. And that’s okay. That’s good , even.There’s beauty in mystery. There’s reverence in not-knowing. On a more personal note—especially as I’ve leaned into what some call the “feminine” qualities of instinct, emotion, and intuition (not because they’re inherently feminine, but because our society often labels them that way)—my stories have grown richer. My characters feel more alive. And I’ve felt more at home in myself. I want to write more about that—about Yin and Yang , about balance, about how surrender and softness can be just as powerful as structure and striving. But for now, just know this: I don’t believe stories are only born from logic. Some stories live in the wild places. And I’m learning to listen for them there.   Question #5: Is it worth the time to do all this learning when I just want to write a book? Yes! Because worldbuilding isn’t just set dressing—it’s a worldview. And when you build a culture in your story, you’re also inviting readers to imagine what’s possible. In Brandon Sanderson’s online creative writing class on YouTube, he explains that when it comes to the worldbuilding iceberg, it’s all about creating the illusion  that your world is fully fleshed out. You don’t need to live abroad for two years to write a culture authentically. You just need to know what specific elements you're pulling from —and understand them deeply enough not to accidentally fall into racist or reductive portrayals. (This is where the two-layer method of worldbuilding comes in—a technique I explore more in this blog post . In short, every cultural or magical element you include in your world should have both a surface explanation (what the reader sees) and a deeper, internal explanation (what that element means within the logic and worldview of your culture). This layered approach creates the illusion of infinite depth—you don’t need to answer every possible question, but offering just one extra layer of “why” is often enough to make your world feel coherent, emotionally resonant, and alive.) Not to mention: this kind of research doesn’t just improve your writing—it sharpens your mind. You become more informed, more reflective, and yes, you’ll probably surprise people with unexpected facts and niche insights. You might even trick them into thinking you’re smarter than you are (which, honestly, is a power move). No, you don’t have to be an anthropologist. But you do have to be willing to do the uncomfortable work : to slow down, to challenge your own assumptions, to read more deeply than a Wikipedia summary. And I promise: what you gain in narrative richness, in emotional authenticity, in unexpected complexity—it’s so  worth it. If you build with care, your story becomes an act of respect, even restoration. Is It Possible to Culturally Appropriate a Dead Civilization? In writing this responsive blog post, it led me to ask the question: Is it possible to culturally appropriate a long-dead civilization and culture, like the ancient Romans or Greeks? Even the Aztecs? My findings were as followed: Technically speaking, the answer is usually no—not in the traditional sense of cultural appropriation. Cultural appropriation, as most people understand it, requires a living culture to be taken from—often by someone from a dominant group who profits from, misrepresents, or exploits elements of that culture. When there’s no living community to be directly harmed, the dynamics change. Ancient Rome, Greece, and the Aztecs were imperial powers in their own right. They were colonizers, not colonized. Borrowing from them doesn’t carry the same punch-down power dynamic that appropriation often involves. And their imagery, philosophies, and myths have been so thoroughly woven into the fabric of Western history and media that they now exist more as public intellectual property than as culturally “owned” systems. But that doesn’t mean anything goes. There are  cases where it still gets ethically murky: Some ancient civilizations still have cultural descendants, like the Nahua peoples of Mexico (descended from the Aztecs), or modern Greeks with deep historical continuity. It becomes ethically fraught when a writer uses sacred or symbolic elements irresponsibly—especially if the portrayal exoticizes, flattens, or romanticizes violence (like conquest, slavery, or human sacrifice) without proper context. And we must be cautious of turning ancient peoples into fantasy caricatures for aesthetic purposes without depth. Treating “the ancients” as if they were one-note, mystical, or savage can reinforce colonial worldviews even without intent. So it’s not cultural appropriation in the classic sense, but there is still responsibility involved. When drawing from ancient civilizations we must be transparent about our inspirations, do the research—not just into what they wore, but what they believed —and acknowledge that parts of these cultures may still live on in the traditions, spiritualities, and languages of modern descendants. All of this is incredibly important for me because I am drawing inspiration from several ancient cultures and peoples in my novel The Glass Dagger that have been gone for thousands of years, like the Romans and Greeks. (So, to my dear commenter, thanks again for inspiring this post because I wouldn't have considered this more deeply if you hadn’t given me an essay in my comment section.)   Symbols Don’t Exist in Isolation We often think of symbols—dances, garments, rituals, songs—as aesthetic choices. As if we can pluck them from one culture, reskin them, and plant them into our fantasy worlds without consequences. But symbols aren’t decorative. They’re cultural shorthand for deeper systems : of belief, of value, of memory. They live within cosmologies , spiritual frameworks, social structures, and histories of resilience or trauma. A ritual dance isn’t just movement. It might be a prayer, a protest, a mourning, or a celebration tied to ancestral survival. A particular garment might not just be “pretty”—it might signal age or coming-of-age, spiritual protection, status, gender, protection, or class hierarchy. A myth isn’t just a story—it’s a coded system of values. When we borrow the surface without understanding the root, we reduce symbols into “vibes” and risk erasing the real-world richness that made them meaningful in the first place. This doesn’t mean you can’t be inspired or borrow. But it means you have to do the digging , to go deeper . Where did this symbol come from? What role did it play in its original context? If you’re reinventing it—are you honoring its spirit or simply using its shape? If I’m going to transform this, am I honoring what it was while building something that feels alive within my  world? Symbols are powerful. Use them with reverence. Curiosity as a Worldbuilder’s Compass Let’s be real: worldbuilding can be overwhelming. There’s always more to learn, more to question, more to refine. It’s tempting to stick to what you know or stay shallow because the depth seems endless. You may even start researching burial rites in 10th century Persia and somehow end up reading a thesis on precolonial water symbolism in Southeast Asia. And the deeper you go, the more you realize how much you don’t  know. But the truth is, curiosity is the compass  that gets you through. Not mastery. Not authority. Just curiosity. You don’t need a PhD in anthropology to write respectfully and richly. What you need is the willingness to ask better questions. To listen. To ponder. To slow down when something feels “off.” To wonder why a custom exists, not just what it looks like. And to let yourself be changed by what you find. The best worldbuilding doesn’t come from rigid rules—it comes from fascination. When you approach worldbuilding from a place of curiosity—not perfectionism—you start building cultures from the inside out, not just the top down. From the moment you realize you’re not just inventing a culture… you’re discovering it. The result? Worlds that feel lived in. Cultures that feel coherent. Characters shaped by something deeper than backstory—they’re shaped by belief too. Philosophy as a Tool for Worldbuilders Philosophy isn’t just for professors or pretentious dinner parties. For worldbuilders, it’s a goldmine. Every culture you create—real or fictional—is built on assumptions. About justice. About truth. About power, community, gender, morality, beauty, death. Philosophy helps you see those assumptions  and decide whether to recreate them, question them, flip them, or remove entirely. Studying even basic philosophical questions—What is the good life? What makes a person “free”? Is justice objective or collective?—can radically change how you construct a fictional society. Again, you don’t have to be an expert. My commenter suggested listening to podcasts like Philosophize This!  as a great starting point as a way to help others start noticing their own assumptions… and building characters who wrestle with theirs. Philosophy doesn’t give easy answers. But it’s not supposed to. It’s a toolkit for complexity. And great worldbuilding thrives  in complexity. So l et your cultures have contradictions. Let your characters grapple with what’s “right.” Let your gods be flawed. Let your truths be uneasy. The point of philosophy in storytelling isn’t to sound smart. It’s to ask what your world, and the people in it, believe . A Note On Nuance When it comes to nuance in your own writing, yes—some of it will inevitably be lost. But often, it’s implied  nuance. That’s where the balance lies: part of our job as writers is to offer nuance intentionally, but the rest is about trusting the reader. Leaving space for interpretation. Letting them bring their own context, experiences, and emotional insights to the work. Not every nuance needs to be spelled out. Some of the most powerful moments live in what’s unsaid —in the silences, in the ambiguity, in the spaces where the reader gets to participate in meaning-making. Again, it comes back to leaving your readers with questions unanswered, so that they may carry your work with them—thinking, feeling, and pondering something deeper long after the final page. Beyond Binary: Escaping the “One True Way” Much of Western storytelling leans heavily on binaries: good vs. evil, logic vs. emotion, body vs. soul, now vs. forever, chosen vs. forgotten, sacred vs. profane, etc etc etc . And often embedded in those binaries is the idea that there’s a singular truth , a perfect world, a divine blueprint we should strive toward. Everything else? Flawed. Broken. Temporary. This belief—the "true world" theory—shows up everywhere. In chosen one narratives. In post-apocalyptic redemptions. In magical systems that define “purity.” And in heroes who ascend to become something “higher.” But I’ve grown wary of this thinking. I’ve written stories that push against it. Because what if… that wasn't the point? In The Glass Dagger , the pursuit of immortality and divinity is deeply flawed. And how once immortality is reached and "accomplished," it becomes not liberation, but burdensome—a personal hell you can never escape once acquired. In The Song of the Crows , the past isn’t something to be restored—it’s something fractured, uncertain, yet still whispering through the trees. Both stories push back against the idea that there’s a single, clean answer. They live in multiplicity. In fractured timelines. In personal mythologies. Sometimes, the only truth worth chasing is the messy one that lives in the moment. Because the truth is: not everything needs to be fixed. Not every world needs a savior. Some stories ache not for perfection—but for presence, connection, and honest complexity. Escaping binary thinking in worldbuilding opens space for nuance. And in that space, we might find the kinds of truths that can’t be spoken—but can still be felt. We build stories where mystery, presence, and multiplicity are not flaws. They’re freedom. When In Doubt, Hire Sensitivity Readers Now… No matter how much research one does, we’re all still going to have blind spots. That’s where sensitivity readers come in. What are sensitivity readers? Sensitivity readers are individuals—often writers themselves—who read your work through the lens of their lived experience or cultural background. They offer feedback on potentially harmful, inaccurate, or stereotypical representations related to race, gender, disability, religion, or other identities. They’re not censors. They’re collaborators. Their goal isn’t to shame you but to help you write with integrity and awareness. Hiring a sensitivity reader shows that: You care about the people you’re representing. You’re willing to do the work to get it right. You understand that good intentions aren’t enough—impact matters. Remember: Impact always outweighs intention. Even if your intentions were good, the effect your words or choices have on someone else can still be harmful—and that harm is real, whether you meant it or not If your story includes marginalized characters or draws from cultures outside your own, a sensitivity reader is one of the best investments you can make. Not only will your writing be more authentic and respectful, it will resonate more deeply with readers across the board. Don’t let fear of “getting it wrong” keep you from telling meaningful stories. Let that fear become a reason to slow down, listen, and get support. Concluding Thoughts Thanks again to the commenter who left an essay in the comments section of my " De-Westernize Creative Worldbuilding " blog post—it genuinely meant a lot. I hope this response blog offered meaningful insight, clarified lingering questions, and maybe even sparked some new ones. What stood out most to me in your message was the desire to understand. That, to me, is what makes a great worldbuilder: curiosity without entitlement, reverence without rigidity, creativity rooted in awareness. That’s the kind of storytelling I believe in. And if you’re here, reading this, I imagine it might be the kind you believe in too. Let’s keep building better worlds, enriching both the world at large, and our own small worlds within ourselves :) Happy worldbuilding~ —Bair✍︎ Where epic fantasy meets philosophical ponderings of the self. 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Aloha world~ This post isn’t about writing craft in the traditional sense, it's more me rambling about some things that have been on my mind lately that I felt compelled to share. That said, it is still for the writers, the dreamers, the overachievers, and the sensitive souls who feel too much and give too often. It’s a piece I wrote because the weight of the world has been heavy lately, and I know I’m not alone in feeling it. By no means am I an expert, or a therapist, but I wanted to come on here and speak my thoughts. It's a topic so prevalent in our world right now, I couldn't keep this locked away in a notes app. So here we are… How to begin…? Perhaps this: In a world that demands so much of our attention—where algorithms hijack our dopamine, where hustle is glorified, where success is measured in output—it’s no wonder so many of us feel like we’re running on empty. Especially if you're a younger Millennial, Gen Z-er, or even Gen Alpha, trying to grow up in a world that feels both on fire and falling apart. How do you keep going when the sky feels too heavy? How do you hold onto hope without collapsing into naïveté or nihilism? How do you keep creating when you have nothing left to give? Nothing left to offer, not even a scrap. These are questions I find myself surrounded by. The burden of a dying world weighing heavy on our collective shoulders. With my dear friends around me particularly impacted by such questions, such uncertainty and existential dread sends them spiraling.  And these questions, and the answers they seek, cannot be always found in therapy. Because no matter how much you “unpack your trauma,” or even heal from your trauma, the world outside keeps spinning—faster, louder, crueler. How can a person improve their mental health when they can’t even be sure there will be a world around to live in within the next decade? That question doesn’t have an easy answer—and maybe it never will. How can a person improve their mental health when they can’t even be sure the world will still be here in ten years? That fear haunts many of us—quietly, constantly. It sits behind our goals, our grief, our grinding. And yet… we still wake up. Still breathe. Still try. So maybe the point isn’t to have certainty. Maybe the point is to live anyway. In a world that may not last, the act of caring, for ourselves, for each other, is defiance. And in the face of so much unknown, I want to share a simple—but often overlooked—truth:  we are not meant to grind endlessly . We were built for rhythm. For rest. For renewal. The Weight Of Our Dreams Some of us dream so big that we feel crushed by our own ambitions. We set our sights on galaxies and then blame ourselves for not reaching them fast enough. We become burdened by our vision. Swallowed by the very stars we were meant to shine among. We forget that goals are meant to guide us—not grind us into dust. We forget that we are allowed to pivot. To rest. To say, “This matters, but not at the cost of myself.” Your dreams should lift you, not bury you. The pursuit of a life shouldn’t cost you your living. If you’ve ever felt paralyzed by your ambition… this post is for you. If you’ve ever lost the joy of creating because the  task  became more important than the  self , this is your reminder: you are allowed to exist outside of your work. You are allowed to be more than your momentum. The Myth of Endless Productivity Western culture has trained us to believe that our value is directly tied to our productivity (thanks capitalism…). That unless we are producing, optimizing, or improving, we are somehow falling short. Rest is labeled laziness. Softness is mistaken for weakness. And ambition—once a noble spark—becomes a relentless, consuming flame that won’t let us pause. We’re told that if we just hustle harder, sleep less, sacrifice more, we’ll eventually earn the right to stop. But that stop never comes. Because we’re not just chasing goals, we’re being  chased  by them. Haunted by ambition. Trapped in a loop of " more, more, more ," until we lose sight of what we're even working toward. The joy of the craft dissolves. The reason we started creating and striving toward our ambitions in the first place is buried beneath expectations and performance. We end up living with this quiet desperation. Dreaming of rest we don’t know how to claim. Feeling like frauds if we slow down. And eventually, we start asking the terrifying question:  What if this is just how life is now? But it’s not. It doesn’t have to be. This is the paradox of dreaming big: we carry ambitions like constellations in our chests—bright, beautiful, impossible not to follow—but we forget to make space for the  softness  required to live. The softness required to  enjoy  what we’ve built, to nourish the soul that carried the dream. We were never meant to live in permanent output mode. Even the sun sets. Even rivers slow. Even the most powerful beings in nature have cycles—of action, and of rest. “The mountain is climbed with fire in your chest—but the summit is savored in stillness.” You need both. You  deserve  both. The drive and the dreamer. The fire and the water. The structure and the surrender. The yin and the yang. True power comes not from endless force, but from knowing when to push and when to  receive. Yin & Yang Energies: A Balancing Act In Eastern philosophy, a framework for understanding balance is found in the concept of  yin and yang —concepts from ancient Chinese cosmology that describe the dual forces present in all of existence.  Yin  is associated with the feminine: soft, receptive, intuitive, fluid, still, and inward.  Yang  is associated with the masculine: active, structured, assertive, expansive, focused, and outward. It’s important to note and understand that yin and yang are not tied to gender identity—they’re not “male” and “female” in the human sense. Rather, they are  energetic principles  that exist in everyone, regardless of sex or gender. They are not in opposition—they are in  relationship . Day needs night. Fire needs water. Drive needs rest. When yin and yang are balanced, there is harmony. When one dominates, we feel out of sync. And in our modern world, most of us have been taught to over-identify with yang—to act, to build, to push. But we’ve lost touch with yin—the part of us that knows how to rest, feel, receive, and simply be. Again, this isn’t about gender—it’s about energetic archetypes that live in all of us: Masculine energy  is ambition, output, structure, and pursuit. Feminine energy  is receptivity, flow, softness, celebration, and surrender. Our society exalts the masculine and diminishes the feminine. We’re praised for being driven, efficient, self-disciplined. But we’re judged for being soft, slow, cyclical, emotional. And yet both are essential. This deep discomfort with softness isn’t accidental—it’s cultural. Patriarchy has long villainized and diminished feminine energy, even as it demands and depends on it. It elevates traditional masculine traits while mocking the very femininity it exploits—celebrating women for nurturing and caregiving, while punishing them for softness, emotion, or rest. But we must not forget that one builds the bridge. The other invites you to walk across it, barefoot, feeling every breeze. (Funny, isn’t it? That in this context we call the masculine the energy of creation, when it is women—those associated with the feminine—who literally  create life  within their bodies. It just goes to show how deeply language, culture, and power structures have distorted our perceptions.) Without yin, the feminine, we accomplish and accomplish and accomplish… without ever feeling fulfilled. Without yang, the masculine, we float and dream without ever being grounded in reality. This is why burnout feels so spiritually devastating. Because it’s not just exhaustion of the body—it’s imbalance of the soul. It's what happens when we've spent too long pushing and striving, and not nearly enough time receiving, replenishing, and rejoicing. Ambition without receptivity becomes suffering. Achievement without softness becomes burnout. To thrive, we must balance striving with surrender. And that balance takes practice. Tapping into Yin & Yang: Utilizing Masculine & Feminine Energies You don’t have to meditate on a mountain or overhaul your entire life to feel your yin and yang. You just need awareness and intention. When you need to be in your Masculine: Set clear, actionable goals (with timelines that inspire you, not paralyze you). Create a schedule, set boundaries, and honor your commitments. Move forward on your dreams with courage—even when you're scared. Speak your truth. Claim your space. Assert your needs. Take up the responsibility of becoming who you want to be. Masculine energy helps you initiate, helps build momentum. It moves the dream from vision to form. When you need to be in your Feminine: Allow space for rest—not as a reward, but as a right. Connect with your body: stretch, walk, cry, laugh, dance. Sink into the moment: light a candle, make tea, savor the quiet. Celebrate what you’ve already done—pause and bask. Surround yourself with beauty and wonder. Let it move through you. Receive—support, love, compliments, inspiration—without deflection. Feminine energy doesn’t force. It welcomes. It doesn’t rush. It unfolds. And it’s often the thing we’re most starved for. After a long push in your masculine, you must return to your feminine. You can’t stay in drive forever. You’re not a machine. Your soul was built for rhythm—not a straight line. Let yourself enjoy the fruit of your labor. Soften into your own becoming. Celebrate your small wins along with your big wins. Celebrating Your Becoming Our culture tells us to keep moving. Hit one goal? On to the next. Check off the milestone? Cool—don’t get complacent. But this mindset keeps us perpetually chasing and rarely receiving. It erodes joy. And more dangerously, it teaches us that our progress only matters if it's big, fast, or publicly impressive. But growth happens in micro-movements. In quiet decisions. In the hard, invisible work of showing up for yourself. And that deserves to be  honored . So celebrate the small wins: getting out of bed when it’s hard. Drinking water. Sending the email. Writing one paragraph. Choosing rest when your body asked for it. Celebrate the medium wins: following through on a project. Setting boundaries. Practicing consistency. Saying no. Saying yes. And yes—celebrate the big wins too. Launching the thing. Healing the pattern. Making the leap. Finishing what you started. But don’t wait for those to be the  only  reason you throw yourself a little joy party. You don’t have to earn your right to be proud. Ways To Celebrate Your Wins Small Wins — For the quiet triumphs, the invisible victories, the days you simply showed up. Examples:  Got out of bed. Wrote a sentence. Drank water. Resisted a spiral. Set a tiny boundary. Make your favorite warm drink and savor it slowly Add whimsy to your world: fairy lights, stickers, sparkles Let yourself relax without guilt Play your favorite video game or cozy mobile game Have a mini treat: a pastry, candy, tea, coffee, or a walk Play a board game with friends or family Sing and let your voice out, don't hold it back Romanticize your life: light a candle, burn incense, practice gratitude, notice beauty Medium Wins — For moments of forward motion, courage, and care that deserve more than a passing nod. Examples: Finished a task. Said no. Set a boundary. Started therapy. Showed up. Take yourself on a solo artist date (go somewhere inspiring!) Take yourself out on a dedicated solo coffee date Order your favorite takeout and eat it like a ritual Gift yourself something guilt-free Take a no-work day and protect it like gold Make art just for fun Enjoy a movie or comfort show Create a collage or vision board Buy a small luxury (notebook, blanket, candle) that reminds you: I did that Big Wins — For the milestone moments. The accomplishment of big goals. Examples:  Finished a novel. Left a job. Launched something. Ended a toxic cycle. Moved forward after healing. Host a small gathering with your favorite people Take yourself out to a fancy (or your favorite) restaurant Go on a trip—solo or with someone you love Create or commission something to symbolize the milestone (jewelry, art, tattoo) Write a letter to your future self, praising who you’ve become Invest in your next phase (class, tool, mentorship, coaching, retreat) Let yourself cry, laugh, scream, sleep. Whatever you need to feel  it. You are becoming. You are blooming. You are not standing still. Let that be enough today. Let your celebrations be sacred—not performative. They are how you witness yourself growing. How you remind your inner child, your soul, your weary adult self:  We’re doing it. We’re still here. And while your journey inward matters, remember you don’t have to do it alone. Humans are social creatures for a reason. We're meant to be in communities. So find your people. The ones who remind you of who you are when you forget. The ones who celebrate your small wins and hold space for your messy becoming. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation—it happens in community. In laughter. In late-night texts. In coffee dates and hang outs. Despite our technology bringing us closer together, there is an loneliness epidemic and a fear of opening up to others. But we shouldn't let all that prevent us from finding our communities. We need people around to help remind us that we're not alone. *A Note For Adding Whimsy To Your World Whimsy is the art of delight without reason. It’s the unexpected sparkle, the unnecessary magic, the softness that says, “You’re allowed to enjoy this moment just because.” In a culture that tells us everything must be useful, whimsy can be an act of defiance. A flower in your hair. Stickers on your laptop. Fairy lights around your mirror. A ridiculous mug. A stuffed animal on your desk. Whimsy reminds your inner child that they’re still invited to the party. It makes the world feel more alive, more colorful. Don't snub it, overlook it, or think it silly. The Wise Inner Child Knows the Way Children don’t think about legacy or deadlines. They sing because they want to. Dance because they feel like it. Play because joy is its own reward. They haven’t yet learned to measure their worth in metrics or milestones. They just  are . They live in the  now —not out of mindfulness training, but because the past and future don’t yet exist in their minds. Time is immediate. Fluid. Felt in colors and sensations, not clocks. And honestly? That’s where presence lives. Not in overthinking. Not in ruminating or forecasting. But in  being . Fully, joyfully, now. I personally believe that is the medicine our adult selves need. A balancing act between taking responsibility and releasing pressure. Between planning the future and allowing play. If you never let your inner child out, your adult self will become buried under the weight of ambition and stress. The pressure to do, achieve, prove, and perform will silence the part of you that knows how to rest in delight. When we embrace the youthful spirit, we become present. So what would it look like to stop just for a moment and feel your now? What would it mean to treat your life not as a to-do list, but as a playground? Would you color for fun? Would you dance in your kitchen? Maybe even climb something? Touch grass? Eat fruit slowly? Laugh at something ridiculous? Whatever it may be, let wonder interrupt your routine. And when you do find your way of stopping and becoming present, celebrate it . Even if it’s small. Especially if it’s small. Because children don’t wait for permission to be proud. They celebrate tying their shoes. Making a doodle. Running fast. Let them reteach you how to live. Embrace the inner child who wants to sing just because. Embrace the inner child who wants to dance just because. Embrace the inner child who seeks to play, explore, and create, without needing a reason. Now, if you keep smothering that child’s fire, ask yourself why. If they existed outside of you—as a small, tender being you were responsible for—would you keep extinguishing their joy, shaming their spark, postponing their aliveness? If your answer is yes… I have serious concerns about you. But if you’re like most people—with any shred of empathy or compassion—then your answer is no. So why do you keep doing it to yourself? Suppressing that inner flame—telling it “later,” “not now,” “grow up,” isn’t discipline. It’s abandonment. A slow silencing of the most sacred, essential part of you. The part that still feels wonder. Still holds magic. Still believes. Because every time you delay joy, every time you treat play as a waste, every time you push through instead of softening into the moment… You’re slowly killing yourself. Not in the dramatic, obvious way—but in the soul-deep, chronic ache of becoming a husk of who you could be. A shell of someone great. So… let the child dance. Let them sing. Let them come out to play and color outside the lines and make a mess. Let them be heard. Because in doing so, you don’t lose your power—you return  to it. Let them remind you that this life isn’t just about building—it’s about being. The Gift Of A Silent Hour Before we close, I want to offer a gift. Or perhaps a challenge. Something that’s made a significant difference in my life—and could change yours. In the spirit of just being , I challenge you to take one silent hour a day for yourself. No phone. No screens. No input. Just you. Journal. Book. Walk. Sit in stillness. Stare at a wall. Let your nervous system catch its breath. Give yourself permission to not  produce. To not  perform. To not  please anyone but the version of you that’s quietly waiting to be heard. You’ll twitch. You’ll reach. You’ll worry. But nothing will collapse. And the world will still be there when you return. This hour is your reclamation. A return to sovereignty. Make it sacred. Light a candle. Close a door. Play soft music on a record player. Breathe deeply. Tell your mind: We are safe here. Carve out your sacred time. Not because it’s efficient, but because it’s essential. And if anyone calls it selfish—including your own inner voice? I call bullshit. You are allowed to be selfish with your peace. You are allowed to close the door. To step away. To say, “Not today.” Because sometimes, solitude is the only place you can hear yourself again. Rest is not a luxury. Rest is not weakness. Rest is not selfish. Rest is your fucking right . Some days you might not even be able to give 30%, let alone 120%. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. That means you’re human. So have a brain-rot day if it helps. Read a book. Write a book with quill and ink. Play the silly game. Watch the comfort show. Let yourself unravel. But I implore you: disconnect, too. Carve out the hour. Morning, midday, or midnight—whenever you can. Lock your devices in another room. Feel the withdrawal. Let it pass. And if you can't, ask yourself honestly: Why can’t I give myself just one hour of silence? Be real, be honest, what's really stopping you? Take a walk. Go for a bike ride. Journal. Pray. Stretch. Cry. Dance. Paint. Breathe. If it's raining outside (like it is now as I write this), go outside and let the rain soak you to your bones. Whatever you do, take your attention back from the systems that profit off your exhaustion. From the culture that told you stillness was a waste of time. Reclaim your mind from the algorithms that profit off of your doomscrolling. Even scarier for some: don’t be productive.  Stare at the sky. Doodle something pointless. Lay in the grass. Do something with no outcome attached. Just… exist. You weren’t built to be a machine. You weren’t meant to monetize every breath. You were meant to live . To be . And maybe all this sounds obvious. Maybe it sounds “basic.” But let me remind you: Just because you know something intellectually doesn’t mean you’ve internalized it. Knowing and living are two different things. So don’t scoff at people who are learning what you’ve already learned. And don’t shame yourself for needing to relearn what you thought you’d mastered. We are all on different timelines. Walking different terrain. So stay open. Stay kind. To others, and especially to yourself. Learning To Let Go: A Practical Guide Now, it's easy to spout “just rest,” “just be,” “just let go” as if it's that simple. But where do you start? How do you start? I f your nervous system has been stuck in fight-or-flight, or your mind is racing from a culture that values productivity over presence, or your own deadlines and commitments to your own dreams weighs heavy on you, the idea “letting go” can feel impossible. How do you actually let go and " be "? Here are some methods I use. Step 1: Start with the Body, Not the Brain You can’t  think  your way into calm—you have to  physically signal safety  to your body. Shake out your limbs.  Literally. Hands, feet, shoulders, head. Wake up your energy. Exhale with sound.  Sigh, groan, hum, blow raspberries—anything that tells your system, “We’re okay now.” Tense and release.  Start with your toes, move upward. Clench, hold, let go. Try putting on a song and just  move . No choreography. No judgment. Let your body lead. Why This Works: Trauma and stress live in the body. When you move, you dislodge what’s stuck. You remind yourself you are not frozen. You are not trapped. It shakes up the stagnant energy, trauma, or stress living inside you. Step 2: Name It to Tame It Unspoken emotions tend to spiral, but when you name what you’re feeling, your nervous system begins to regulate. This can be rather difficult if you're not used to catching yourself when you're about to, or already in a spiral. But like I've said in other blog posts, our language  shapes  reality. The way we describe our lives—internally or externally—changes the way we process, remember, and relate to those experiences. So try and speak aloud what you're feeling. Optional Phrases To Say To Yourself: “I’m overwhelmed.” “I’m scared and I don’t know why.” “I feel like I’m failing and I’m exhausted.” Don’t overthink it. Use your Notes app. A journal. A sticky note. Or say it out loud to an empty room. If you’re blanking, start here: “I don’t know what I’m feeling, and in this moment I don't know why, but I want to feel lighter.” Why This Works: Naming emotion activates the prefrontal cortex and helps reduce emotional overload. It brings you into awareness, not just reaction. Step 3: Interrupt the Spiral with Play If your inner critic starts judging— “This is dumb," "you’re doing it wrong,” "this is pointless and nonsensical" —that’s your cue to get weird. Blow raspberries. Make a goofy face in the mirror. Say something dramatic like, “I am a stressed-out mushroom under a heat lamp.” The goal isn’t to be silly for the sake of it—it’s to disrupt self-seriousness and let your body remember joy. Why This Works: Play brings you back into the present. It can activate cortisol. It tells your system:  We are allowed to feel good. And if you can't embrace the weird and silly just yet and the spiraling thoughts just won’t stop, try a grounding technique: Name 5 things you can see.  Describe each in color, texture, and detail. Let your eyes linger. Name 4 things you can touch.  Feel the temperature. The grain. The weight. Name 3 things you can hear.  Distant sounds. Near sounds. The in-between. Name 2 things you can smell.  Breathe deeply. Let the scent tell you where you are. Name 1 thing you can taste.  Even if it’s just the inside of your mouth—notice. These small sensory observations are anchors. They remind you:  I am here. I am safe. I am real. And once you’ve let go—even a little— pause . Notice. Appreciate. Step 4: Create A Sanctuary Create a space—physical or energetic—that says:  nothing is required of me here. It can be anything. It doesn't have to be a brand new space, it can be your bed. A blanket fort. A closet. A patch of sunlight. But let it be a sanctuary, a hallow place of rest and presence. Light a candle. Sit with a warm drink. Put on lo-fi. Call it something like: My safe space, The Chamber of Secrets, the room of no expectations. Why This Works: The body responds to ritual and space. When you build a pattern of comfort, your system begins to trust it. Step 5: Make Rest a Ritual Let rest become something you  practice , not something you have to earn. Choose one tiny act: One cup of tea in silence. One walk without your phone. One slow stretch before bed. One page in a “brain dump” journal. Repeat it. Honor it. Make it sacred. Why This Works: Repetition builds regulation. Tiny rituals teach your nervous system: “This is the rhythm of peace.” Bonus: If You Can’t Relax, Forgive Yourself Anyway Sometimes the harder you try to relax, the more tense you feel. That’s okay. Rest isn’t a switch. It’s a practice. A remembering. If all you do is lie down and breathe for a minute, that counts. If all you do is  want  to rest and can’t, that awareness is still sacred. You’re not broken if stillness is hard. You’re just learning to feel safe in your own space again. But once the stillness settles, even for a breath, you might even try to begin to notice the details you forgot to love. The slant of light. The quiet hum of being. And that noticing? That’s the beginning of gratitude. Let gratitude and appreciation ground you. Let it be your anchor. When you slow down, you begin to not just see, but observe : the way light illuminates a loved ones eyes. The way your breath softens. The way your heart has been trying to speak to you all along. Appreciation is presence. It’s a way of saying thank you—not just for the big things, but for every little thing that reminds you you’re alive. This ties into a truth from another piece I wrote:  How To See The World Like An Artist .  When you look closely—really look—you realize that everything is miraculous. A chipped cup. A dusty window. The sound of footsteps. A curl of steam. To notice is to honor. To appreciate and practice gratitude is how we stay present. It's how we come home to the world as it is. How we come home to  ourselves. Let yourself unwind. Not for performance. Not to prove you’re doing “self-care.” But because you are tired. And you are worthy. And you are allowed to feel good. That’s not weakness. That’s  wisdom . Final Truths & Affirmations You are not your goals. You are not your timeline. You are not your productivity. You are not a machine. You are not a brand. You are not your output. You are a human. You are a soul . And you deserve joy. Stillness. Nourishment. Celebration. Even when you feel like you have nothing left to give or feel undeserving. Because you are not meant to create from an empty well. You are meant to drink first. And then, only when you’re ready, create. Closing Thoughts I like to end most blogs with an inspiring quote that's relevant to the posts content, but instead of a quote, I’d like to leave you with a song: Billy Joel’s  Vienna . For the version of you that’s tired, burned out, but still trying. I see you, I believe in you, you can do it. Keep going :) “Slow down, you crazy child…” You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to be. That’s enough —you are enough ♥︎ —Bair✍︎ Want to stay up to-date and get exclusive updates and insights on future projects, book launches, writer and reader resources, FREE literature, writing freebies, and a more? Sign up for my Newsletter ! Find more helpful writing tips on the rest of my blog . SUBSCRIBE to the blog on my personal website , Substack , or Medium . Struggling to get your word count in? Check out my writing podcast ! Need a new notebook? Check out my hand-bound books ! Support the blog on Ko-fi ! INSTAGRAM  | LINKEDIN  | PINTEREST Check out My Writer & Reader Merch Store Like this post? Share the link on your social media or pin the image below to your Pinterest board ! If you're reading this, Mosswing believes in you!🐉💕

DISCLAIMER:  This blog post contains discussions of sex, intimacy, gendered language, and cultural conditioning. It touches on anatomy, dirty talk, and the emotional and psychological dynamics of sexual relationships—sometimes critically. While the tone may be candid, irreverent, or even spicy, the intent is never to shame anyone for their preferences or experiences. If certain phrases or ideas feel tender or triggering to you, please honor your own boundaries while reading. This is a piece about reclaiming language—not policing pleasure. You are always the author of your own body. Aloha world~ This blog post was born out of many threads—and now it’s all unraveled into this delightfully chaotic, deeply personal, slightly rage-fueled writer rant. It started with my blog post on de-westernizing worldbuilding , which made me hyper-aware of the inherited cultural lenses I write through. That awareness started to bleed (literally) into my personal life—especially as I’ve been learning more about my own body after a PCOS diagnosis. That diagnosis sent me down the rabbit hole of understanding the four hormonal phases of the menstrual cycle (which, let’s be real, most of us with uteruses were  never  taught properly). At the same time, I’ve also been reclaiming knowledge of female anatomy—not the glossy, diagrammed version from 7th grade health class, but the real, rich, nuanced truths about what it means to live in a body that  receives , that cycles, that opens and contracts. All of that culminated into a remembrance of a TikTok I saw well over a year ago; a video that casually dropped the truth bomb that, even when written from a woman’s point of view, most sex scenes are still written with male-centered language: “He penetrated her,” “She was filled,” “He took her,” etc etc etc. You’ve read them. Maybe you’ve written them. I definitely have. So this post is where all of that converges. My personal journey of embodiment. My obsession with story. My period. And a single line in a TikTok that planted a seed I couldn’t unsee. Let’s talk about it. Table Of Contents The Importance of Language Inherited Language We've Never Questioned Writing Sex From The Inside Out Rewriting Dirty Talk Sex As Sacred: A Personal Reflection The Queer Lens & Trans Inclusion Rewrite Guide: Shifting The Sex Scene Lens Closing Thoughts References & Further Reading The Importance Of Language & The Spoken Word Psychological research supports the idea that the language we use profoundly shapes our thoughts, perceptions, and interactions with the world. A popular therapeutic technique called  cognitive reframing  (also known as cognitive restructuring ) is one of the cornerstones of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and it’s all about changing the way we talk to ourselves—and by extension, how we see ourselves. Therapists use this technique to help people challenge harmful inner narratives like, “I’m a failure” or “Nothing ever goes right,” and instead shift those thoughts toward something more compassionate and truthful, like, “I’m struggling, but I’m still growing.” Why does this work? Because language  shapes  reality. The way we describe our lives—internally or externally—changes the way we process, remember, and relate to those experiences. Cognitive scientist Lera Boroditsky has extensively studied a different but related phenomenon, demonstrating that language influences how we perceive concepts like time, space, and even relationships. For instance, in some Aboriginal communities in Australia, people use cardinal directions instead of left and right, which affects their spatial orientation and memory. This suggests that the linguistic structures we adopt can fundamentally alter our cognitive processes.  This concept, known as linguistic relativity , or the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis , posits that the language we speak influences our worldview and cognition. While the strong version—that language determines thought—has been debated, the consensus supports a weaker form: that language influences thought in significant ways.    The words we use don’t just describe reality—they  define  it. They draw boundaries around our perceptions, sculpting what we see as normal, desirable, acceptable, or true. Language is not neutral. It’s inherited. It's ancient. It’s embedded. And it’s often soaked in centuries of power dynamics we didn’t choose, but still echo. In the same way worldbuilding can be unintentionally Westernized due to the narratives we’ve grown up with, the way we write about sex is often unconsciously  male-centered . Even from a woman’s POV, we default to language like "he took her," "he penetrated her," "she was filled," as if sex is something done  to  her rather than experienced  with  her. And that’s exactly what this blog post is about. It’s a form of literary cognitive reframing. We're taking the default phrases of sex—phrases shaped by centuries of male-centered thought—and rewriting them from the inside out. Not because male pleasure is bad or male language is evil, but because the story deserves a broader, truer, more embodied telling. Words don’t just describe sex. They define how we understand it, how we remember it, how we write it—and how we feel about it. Inherited Phrases We Never Questioned It’s not that these phrases are inherently wrong or evil—they’ve just been absorbed as  default , and that’s exactly the problem. Just like in my de-westernizing worldbuilding blog post, where I pointed out the unconscious assumption that Western culture is the “norm” and everything else is a deviation, the same thing happens here—with sex, gender, and the body. There’s a baked-in assumption that the male body is the baseline, the actor, the initiator. When in reality, biologically speaking,  everyone starts out as female in the womb . The male body is not the default—it’s simply  one version  of human expression. But centuries of storytelling have taught us otherwise. As I shared in the section above "The Importance Of Language & The Spoken Word," the words we use shape how we see the world. And in this case, the language we use to describe sex directly influences what we believe sex  is . These phrases don’t just describe a moment—they reinforce the idea that  doing  is more important than  feeling . That tightness is more erotic than openness. That the act itself matters more than the experience of it. That  his motion  is the story, and  her body  is just the setting. And here’s the real harm: people who learn about sex through literature—especially young people, women, queer readers, and anyone not centered in mainstream narratives—start to internalize these frameworks. They begin to believe that if their body doesn’t respond the way it’s “supposed” to, if sex doesn’t feel like how it’s described in books,  something must be wrong with them . It’s not just inaccurate—it’s damaging. It tells a false narrative that alienates people from their own pleasure, their own bodies, and their right to shape their own stories. Let’s break down what some of those distorted expectations might look like: Distorted Expectation:  If you’re not “tight” enough, you’re not sexy. Reality:  Vaginas are meant to stretch and accommodate. Arousal and safety cause  relaxation , not resistance. Distorted Expectation:  If you don’t orgasm from penetration alone, something’s wrong with you. Reality:  The majority of people with vulvas require clitoral stimulation to orgasm. This is normal. This is anatomical. Distorted Expectation:  If you’re not wet and ready to receive immediately , then there is something wrong with you. Reality:  Arousal is emotional, mental, and physical. For women, or vagina owners, it takes much longer for arousal to occur. Not to mention, many factors affect lubrication. Wetness is not the only indicator of desire. Distorted Expectation:  If you don’t “yield” or “surrender,” you’re doing it wrong. Reality:  Receptivity is not passivity. Desire can be active, hungry, present. It doesn’t have to look soft or quiet. These aren’t just tropes—they’re scripts. And if we’re not careful, they start to overwrite our reality. As writers, we have the chance to interrupt that pattern. To offer alternatives. To craft language that reflects  real  experiences, not just inherited ones. Because if the language of sex only tells one kind of story, how many people will go their whole lives thinking theirs is wrong or doesn’t matter? Let’s start with the classics. The ones you’ve read in books, fanfiction, maybe even your own journal at 2 a.m. under dim lighting and a burst of inspiration: “He penetrated her.” “He took her.” “She was tight.” “She was filled.” “He claimed her body.” “She yielded beneath him.” These phrases are so common, so ingrained in the literary (and erotic) canon, that we rarely pause to ask:  Where did this language come from? Who does it serve? Whose experience does it center? Again, it’s not that these phrases are inherently bad or wrong, they’ve just been absorbed as  default , and that’s exactly the problem. They come from a cultural lineage that privileges the  actor  (usually male) over the  experienced  (usually female). They’re verbs of action, conquest, and dominance. They’re rooted in centuries where women’s pleasure wasn’t considered, where sex was about reproduction, control, and ownership (🤢🤮). Even now, in modern fiction, we see male pleasure framed as assertive, directional, goal-oriented, while feminine pleasure is passive, decorative, responsive—but rarely  directive  or  centered . This doesn't mean we need to burn every romance novel with a “he took her” in it. But it does mean we get to  choose differently  now. To unlearn. To rewrite. Because as said above, these phrases shape the way we view sex. They influence what we think “good sex” looks like. They reinforce that doing is more important than feeling. That tightness is more erotic than openness. That the act matters more than the experience. And if you’re someone who writes from the body—not just about it—then you know: sex isn’t just a mechanical event. It’s sensation. Emotion. Rhythm. Breath. Relationship. The language should reflect that. Writing Sex from the Inside Out So what does it actually  feel  like to have sex when you're the one doing the receiving? This is a question that is not asked enough—not in our cultural narratives, not in our classrooms, and certainly not in our literature. Writing sex from the feminine or vulva-having perspective means moving beyond how it  looks  and diving deep into how it  feels from the inside. It’s not about replacing one cliché with another. It’s about rooting the experience in embodiment—sensory, emotional, internal, relational. The experience of receiving during sex can be: A gradual unfolding A pressure and stretch that warms and deepens A pulsing rhythm that syncs with breath and heartbeat A full-bodied ache that’s more than just physical A letting go of tension in both the body and the mind A conscious opening, not a passive yielding Writing from the inside out means describing those experiences not just as metaphors for the reader, but as truths for the character. What’s happening emotionally as her body opens? What does she feel in her chest, her belly, her thighs? What does her breath do? Does she pull him deeper or shift away? Is she safe? Nervous? Thrilled? Hungry? The language doesn’t have to be overly anatomical, but it  should  be intimate, lived-in, and specific to  her . It should reflect her agency—not just in what’s done to her, but in how she responds, guides, wants. Let’s rewrite the scene where “he thrust into her” with something that brings us into her experience: “She opened for him, feeling his hard length ease into her, breath catching as sensation rippled through her core.” “Their rhythm built slowly, her body responding with a hunger that surprised even her.” “She welcomed him, her hips rising to meet him, grounding the moment in something wordless and whole.” This kind of writing gives readers more than just friction—it gives them  feeling . It places the reader in the character’s skin, not just on top of it. It says: this story is not about what’s done to her. It’s about what she  experiences ,  chooses , and  feels  from the inside out. Why Dirty Talk Needs a Rewrite Now, let me preface this section by saying that I'm not trying to yuck on anyones yum, however, we should talk about the language we whisper, groan, or growl in the heat of the moment. Dirty talk. And specifically, the kind that gets parroted in books without much thought—because it “sounds hot,” even when it’s baked in weird gendered baggage. You know the ones: “You’re so tight.” “You’re dripping for me.” “I’m gonna fill you up.” “You like being used, don’t you?” Look, no kink shaming here. If consensual degradation is your thing? Hell yes—go for it. But the issue is when these phrases are treated like the  standard , the only kind of sexy, the default dirty talk template. “You’re so tight” is probably the most common offender. It’s meant to be praise, sure—but it reinforces a cultural pressure for people with vaginas to be “tight” in order to be desirable. That pressure has real-world consequences: shame, anxiety, pain during sex, and a misunderstanding of how arousal actually works. In reality, a relaxed, aroused vagina  opens ,  expands , and  softens . That’s not failure, that’s  readiness. This is where the rewrite comes in. Let’s offer some alternatives, phrases that still steam up the page but don’t reinforce myths or male-centric expectations: “You’re pulling me in.” “I love the way your body opens for me.” “You feel so good around me.” “The way you want me is driving me crazy.” “You’re taking me so deep.” These versions don’t sanitize the moment, they just reflect it from a more mutual, embodied lens. One where the experience is about  connection ,  desire , and  response , not just performance. Again, this isn’t about eliminating all rough talk or making sex scenes soft and quiet. It’s about being intentional. When the language defaults to dominance/submission without exploration or consent, or when it places all the power and pleasure in his hands, it flattens the potential of the moment. You can still write rough, desperate, delicious sex—and make it feel like it belongs to  both  characters, not just one. Sex as Sacred: A Personal Reflection My personal belief and philosophy is that the most intimate and normal thing one person can do with another human being is have sex. Not just " have " it, but share  it. Open  to it. Be changed  by it. Especially for those who are demisexual, or just deeply attuned to emotional connection, sex isn’t just about friction. It’s about safety. It’s about letting someone in . Some people can see a hot body and feel aroused and lust after another person. That’s valid. But for many of us, it’s more than just the physical. Especially for women. It’s emotional, mental, even spiritual. It’s a kind of closeness that asks you to be seen  in a way few things do. Because as someone with a vulva, with a body designed to receive, sex isn’t just doing something with  someone—it’s literally letting  someone inside. That is not  a small thing. That’s not casual, even if the moment is. It’s layered. Vulnerable. Sacred. And for someone who owns a penis—someone who physically enters another person—that should be treated as a deep honor. Not a punchline. Not a conquest. Not a casual line of dirty talk about being “tight” or “wet” or “ready.” To be received by someone who trusts you, who wants you, who opens for you, that should feel holy. And yes, sometimes sex is messy, awkward, hilarious, or just straight-up hot and fun. It can be playful. It can be primal. But that doesn’t mean it can’t also be reverent  and shouldn't be treated as such. The way we write about sex should reflect that range. It should leave space for the sacred. The soft. The slow. The seismic. Because when we join not just bodies, but hearts, minds, and spirits—it becomes the most human thing we can possibly do. The Queer Lens & Trans Inclusion Before we wrap up, we need to acknowledge something crucial: people with vulvas are not always women—and not all women have vulvas. The language we use in sex scenes should reflect that reality. Queer writers, trans writers, and nonbinary writers have been at the forefront of expanding the language of intimacy. Because when you don’t see yourself reflected in the default scripts, you have to create your own—and that often leads to more embodied, inventive, emotionally resonant sex writing. Writing from a vulva-oriented or receptive-body lens isn’t just about cis women’s pleasure—it’s about honoring all people who experience sex through reception, internal sensation, emotional connection, and bodily nuance. When we write with broader, more inclusive language, we: Affirm trans and nonbinary readers who are often erased in literary depictions of intimacy. Create room for more diverse, authentic portrayals of sex. Detach pleasure from gender, and let it live in the  experience  itself—not in roles assigned by tradition. Inclusive language doesn’t mean making the scene clinical or sterile—it means being aware, intentional, and curious. It means asking:  Whose body am I writing from? Whose pleasure is being centered?  And  how can I make this moment feel true to them—not just familiar to me? Let’s write sex scenes that  include  more people. That  see  more people. That feel like home for bodies that don’t often get to be the main character. Quick-Fire Rewrite Guide: Shifting the Sex Scene Lens Here’s a cheatsheet for common phrases and ways to rewrite them through a more embodied, feminine, or mutual lens. These are suggestions, not rules—use them to inspire new rhythms, not restrict your voice. Traditional Phrase Rewritten Alternative He penetrated her She welcomed him in / She opened for him He took her They met in the dark / She pulled him closer She was tight She held him / She pulsed around him He filled her She held him inside her / They moved as one She yielded beneath him She opened with trust / She rose to meet him He thrust into her She rocked to meet him / Their rhythm built slowly Her body was his Her body responded to him / They tangled together These reframes are less about softening the moment and more about deepening it—reclaiming language that has often defaulted to male dominance and returning it to mutuality, embodiment, and presence. Use what resonates. Toss what doesn’t. Just don’t forget: language isn’t neutral. So make yours  mean  something. Closing Thoughts: Language Is Power—Wield It Wisely We began this post by asking: what does it mean to rewrite sex from the inside out? And here’s where we return to the heart of it: This isn’t just about style—it’s about worldview. It shapes how we understand agency, pleasure, vulnerability, and even love. And if our metaphors for intimacy revolve around domination, entry, and possession, what does that say about how we think of sex? By rewriting these phrases, we give ourselves permission to imagine new ways of being—with others, and with ourselves. Ways that are softer. Stronger. Truer. Ways that don’t just describe sex—but honor  it. The words we choose matter. Because they don’t just tell the story—they are  the story. “Language is power, life and the instrument of culture, the instrument of domination and liberation.” —Angela Carter. Write without fear, ignore the inner-perfectionist, and when in doubt, have a shot of whiskey — then keep writing. —Bair✍︎ References & Further Reading Cognitive Behavior Therapy References Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press. APA Definition of Cognitive Restructuring “Cognitive Restructuring: How to Improve Your Mindset,” by Kendra Cherry, Psychology Today. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-cognitive-restructuring-2795062 Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis & Linguistic Relativity Boroditsky, L. (2011). How Language Shapes Thought. Scientific American. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-language-shapes-thought/ Whorf, B. L. (1956). Language, Thought, and Reality: Selected Writings of Benjamin Lee Whorf. MIT Press. TED Talk by Boroditsky: https://www.ted.com/talks/lera_boroditsky_how_language_shapes_the_way_we_think Want to stay up to-date and get exclusive updates and insights on future projects, book launches, writer and reader resources, FREE literature, writing freebies, and a more? Sign up for my Newsletter ! Find more helpful writing tips on the rest of my blog . SUBSCRIBE to the blog on my personal website , Substack , or Medium . Struggling to get your word count in? Check out my writing podcast ! Need a new notebook? Check out my hand-bound books ! Support the blog on Ko-fi ! INSTAGRAM  | LINKEDIN  | PINTEREST Check out My Writer & Reader Merch Store Like this post? Share the link on your social media or pin the image below to your Pinterest board ! Congrats! You found Mosswing at the end of this post!

The Great Blue Debate™ Listen up, literary darlings. I have been called out. Dragged. Exposed. And honestly? I deserved it. Recently, a friend read two of my more recent blog posts where I talked about being a purple writer and using the five senses in writing. In “ 4 Signs You Are a Purple Writer ,” I had written in my first section: “If your writing sessions involve spending thirty minutes hunting for the perfect synonym for ‘blue’ (I’m definitely not guilty of this… not me, def not me… * sips tea loudly *), you may be engaging in unnecessary verbal gymnastics. Simplicity isn’t a crime. Your readers will still get the picture if the sky is just… blue.” So when he got to a section in “ How To Show Not Tell Using The 5 Senses ,” where I wrote: “Don’t just say the sky was blue. What kind of blue? Was it a deep indigo, a washed-out gray-blue, or so blinding it felt like staring into a god’s eye?” He naturally saw this contradiction and did what any loyal friend would do: he called me out. “But sometimes it’s just blue.” And I, being a reasonable and mature adult, I barked an obnoxiously loud laugh in my date’s bathroom mid-period-pad swap, which was followed by dramatic sigh at the realization I had a new topic to write about ( and  a funny conversation starter for said date). This isn’t just a him  problem—it’s a question every writer wrestles with at some point in their writing career: When should I go full poetic immersion, and when should I just say “The sky was blue” and move on? It’s a fine balance between vivid storytelling and drowning your reader in purple prose. So let’s fight— *ehem* BREAK IT DOWN. To blue, or not to blue: That is the question. Table Of Contents Why Description Matter (& When It Doesn't) Describe When… Keep It Simple Stupid Give It To Me Gay, Is The Sky Blue Or Not? Concluding Thoughts Why Description Matters (& When It Doesn’t) We’ve all read a book where the author spends an entire paragraph describing how the light hits the hero’s cheekbone just right , and suddenly you’re wondering why you’re trapped in a two-page dissertation on the emotional significance  of a teacup. On the flip side, we’ve also read books where everything is so blunt and dry that it feels like reading an instruction manual: She walked into the room. She sat down. She drank tea. The tea was hot. The end. Neither extreme is ideal. Great writing exists in the middle ground. So when do we describe, and when do we keep it simple? Describe When… It Adds Mood or Emotion If the color of the sky reflects the character’s emotions or the tone of the scene, describe it! Example:   The sky was a dull, listless gray, heavy with the kind of weight that made you want to crawl back into bed and try again tomorrow. It’s Important for the Story If something about the sky being a deep, foreboding storm blue foreshadows the oncoming tempest that will trap your characters in a haunted mansion, then yes, go all in. Example:   The sky bruised into a deep navy, streaked with the kind of purple that whispered of oncoming storms. The wind had already begun to shift. It Reveals Something About the Character Maybe a character notices details others don’t—it tells us who they are. A romantic might see the sky as a painting; a scientist might note its exact shade of cerulean. Example:   She called it periwinkle. He called it 480 nanometers on the visible spectrum. Both of them were right, in their own way. You Want to Set a Strong Sense of Place When you need to immerse your reader in a new setting, details make it real. If your fantasy kingdom has a saffron-colored sky that glows like fire or an alien planet’s sky shifts from emerald to obsidian, tell us! Keep It Simple When… The Detail Doesn’t Matter If the color of the sky has no relevance to mood, plot, or character? Just say it’s blue and move on. You’re in a Fast-Paced Scene Imagine your protagonist is running for their life. Now is NOT the time to describe the sky as “a wistful watercolor of blues and pinks, as if the gods themselves had taken up painting.”  Just say the sun was setting and let them run. 🏃💨 It Feels Unnatural in Context If you wouldn’t stop in the middle of a tense argument to note that the drapes are “a luxurious shade of emerald that reminded her of springtime in Tuscany” … then don’t make your character do it either. Your Reader Gets the Picture If you’ve already established the scene and the mood, there’s no need to overdo it. Trust your readers. They don’t need five different shades of blue to understand that the sky is, in fact, blue. So, Is the Sky Blue or Not? The trick is knowing when a description elevates the story and when it drags it down. So here's a good rule of thumb: If it adds to mood, plot, or character insight—describe away! If it’s just filler— cut it. Mercilessly . And sometimes? Sometimes the sky is just blue. But if your character looks up and sees storm-tossed indigo skies, the color of distant thunder, maybe we’re in for something more. Now, dear writers, go forth and describe wisely. And to my dear friend who inspired this post—don’t worry. Sometimes it really is just blue. 💙😉 What’s your take? Have you ever struggled with description overload? Or do you love a little poetic flair in your writing? I, for one, certainly get carried away from time to time… All the time… Let me know your thoughts in the comments! See you in the next blog, —Bair✍︎ Want to stay up to-date on get exclusive updates and insights on future projects, book launches, writer and reader resources, FREE literature, writing freebies, and a more? Sign up for my Newsletter ! Find more helpful writing tips on the rest of my blog . Struggling to get your word count in? Check out my writing podcast ! Need a new notebook? Check out my hand-bound books ! Support the blog on Ko-fi ! INSTAGRAM  | LINKEDIN  | PINTEREST Check out My Writer & Reader Merch Store Like this post? Share the link on your social media or pin the image below to your Pinterest board !

Over the course of my writing journey, I’ve explored a  lot  of writing resources—from books and blogs to videos and communities. But one of the most consistent and comforting tools in my creative toolkit?  Podcasts.   There’s just something about tuning in to a conversation between fellow writers or industry professionals while you’re walking, cooking, cleaning, or even worldbuilding that makes you feel  seen . Podcasts can be equal parts educational and inspirational—and they have an uncanny ability to sneak into your creative subconscious and stir things awake. And while I’ve listened to dozens of writing-related shows over the years, these are the ones that have consistently stayed in my rotation—the voices I turn to when I need insight, encouragement, strategy, a laugh, or just a bit of “you’re not alone.” If you're looking to level-up your craft, navigate publishing, or simply surround yourself with creative energy—these are for you. Table Of Contents Kobo Writing Life Podcast ALLi Self-Publishing Advice Podcast The Art of Worldbuilding Podcast Wish I'd Known Then… For Writers Podcast Writing Excuses Podcast The Rebel Author Podcast Sneaky Bonus Podcast Honorable Mentions Concluding Thoughts 1.) Kobo Writing Life This podcast is brought to you by the team at Kobo and features interviews with bestselling authors, publishing insiders, and industry experts. Whether you're indie, traditionally published, or hybrid, there's something here for you. Kobo Writing Life tends to offer a more global perspective on publishing, which I personally love, and their episodes strike a great balance between practical advice and inspiring storytelling. You’ll hear about marketing strategies, writing habits, platform building, and the ups and downs of an author career. 🔗  Listen to Kobo Writing Life 2.) ALLi's Self-Publishing Advice Podcast This one’s from the Alliance of Independent Authors, and it’s basically a goldmine for indie writers. With multiple shows a week, each hosted by a different expert, the topics range from legal rights and distribution models to author mindset and craft tips. What I love most is the no-fluff approach—it’s incredibly practical. If you’ve ever wanted a podcast that speaks directly to the real-world mechanics of making a living as a writer (without the overwhelm), this is the one. 🔗  Listen to ALLi Podcast 3.) The Art of Worldbuilding Podcast Fantasy and sci-fi writers, this one’s for us! If you’ve ever asked yourself questions like, “How do I make my geography more realistic?” or “How can I make my societies feel authentic?”, this podcast dives into all of it. Each episode is packed with clear, digestible advice for creating immersive settings and believable cultures. It’s methodical without being dry, and thoughtful without being preachy. I find it particularly helpful for fleshing out magic systems, religion, history, and language in fantasy realms. 🔗  Listen to The Art of Worldbuilding 4.) Wish I'd Known Then… For Writers This podcast is like a heart-to-heart with wiser versions of yourself. Hosted by authors who openly share their mistakes, growth, and ongoing lessons, it blends the emotional journey of being a writer with real-world experiences about publishing, contracts, burnout, branding, and more. It’s authentic, comforting, and filled with those “me too” moments that help you feel less alone. Highly recommended for mid-career writers trying to stay grounded or newer writers looking to avoid common pitfalls. 🔗  Listen to Wish I'd Known Then 5.) Writing Excuses A classic for a reason. “Fifteen minutes long, because you're in a hurry, and we're not that smart.” Except, spoiler alert: they’re actually geniuses. This roundtable podcast features authors Brandon Sanderson, Mary Robinette Kowal, Dan Wells, and others, covering everything from worldbuilding and plotting to character arcs and pacing. The episodes are fast, focused, and packed with value. There’s also a wonderful sense of camaraderie and collaboration in this show—it reminds you that writing can be fun, and that there are many different ways to succeed at it. 🔗  Listen to Writing Excuses 6.) The Rebel Author Podcast – Sacha Black Saving the best for last, The Rebel Author Podcast is hands-down my favorite and ride-or-die listens. It is where I learned the majority of my publishing and industry knowledge. Sacha Black delivers thoughtful, actionable, and often hilarious interviews with writers, editors, and creative professionals. Whether she's diving into topics like villain creation, non-fiction publishing, time management, or building a creative business, her energy is magnetic. Sacha brings big rebel energy to every episode—empowering writers to own their space and build a bold, unapologetic author career. She is hilarious but also swears (in the best way), so if you want advice with bite, this is the place. 🔗  Listen to Rebel Author Podcast Bonus: The Tired Writers Podcast This one is incredibly special to me because it’s my podcast! The Tired Writers Podcast is a writing podcast that I co-host with my best friend Kimberly Herbstritt . We created it as a space to talk honestly about our creative lives, writer’s block, accountability, burnout, joy, and everything in between. It’s cozy, real, and full of love for the writing community. If you want to feel like you’re chatting with writer friends over a cup of tea, come hang out with us.  🔗   Listen to The Tired Writers Podcast Honorable Mentions Next Level Authors  – A great behind-the-scenes podcast where two indie authors hold each other accountable and tackle real-life creative challenges. Draft2Digital’s Self Publishing Insiders  – Perfect if you want to learn more about indie publishing, discover helpful tools, and stay updated on platform changes. The Creative Penn Podcast  – Hosted by Joanna Penn, a legend in the indie-author space, this long-running podcast is full of insightful interviews and helpful publishing advice. Especially great if you're looking to build a career as a writer-entrepreneur. Joanna Penn is the GOAT for indie writers. Concluding Thoughts Whether you’re plotting your first novel, in the middle of a messy draft, querying agents, or building your indie author empire, these podcasts are like creative fuel. So go ahead—grab a notebook, a warm drink, and your favorite headphones. Let these voices be your writing companions. Got a favorite podcast I missed? Drop it in the comments—I’m always on the lookout for more! Happy listening (& happy writing)! —Bair✍︎ Want to stay up to-date and get exclusive updates and insights on future projects, book launches, writer and reader resources, FREE literature, writing freebies, and a more? Sign up for my Newsletter ! Find more helpful writing tips on the rest of my blog . SUBSCRIBE to the blog on my personal website , Substack , or Medium . Struggling to get your word count in? Check out my writing podcast ! Need a new notebook? Check out my hand-bound books ! Support the blog on Ko-fi ! INSTAGRAM  | LINKEDIN  | PINTEREST Check out My Writer & Reader Merch Store Like this post? Share the link on your social media or pin the image below to your Pinterest board ! Mosswing Listening To a Podcast

If you’re anything like me and LOVE fantasy and worldbuilding, you’ve probably fallen into the glorious rabbit hole that is Worldbuilding YouTube. Whether you’re designing a fantasy realm from scratch or just love learning about imaginative cultures, creatures, and cartography, these creators will absolutely fuel your creative fire. But more than that—these channels have deeply influenced how I think about storytelling. They’ve helped me ask deeper questions, build more realistic worlds, and create stories that feel immersive and alive. Whether you’re a casual fan, a tabletop DM, or a writer like me, these creators offer tools that can supercharge your creativity and ground your fantasy in a rich, believable reality. Don’t worry—I’ll link each channel below their section so you can binge right away. ;) Table Of Contents Artifexian Biblaridion Nakari Speardane Stoneworks Worldbuilding Corner WorldAnvil MonsterGarden Honorable Mentions Concluding Thoughts Artifexian Perfect for lovers of geography, linguistics, and conlangs, Artifexian dives into the technical side of worldbuilding in a way that still feels fun and approachable. While primarily known for his conlang content, he’s been branching out into deep dives on planet design, tectonics, calendars, and more—and trust me, it’s a rabbit hole worth falling into. In fact, it was  thanks to him  that I started doing actual physics to figure out how big my planet is, how many days are in a year, how many months, weeks, days—and even why the sun rises in the west and sets in the east in my world (instead of just saying "a wizard did it" 😂). Because of Artifexian, I now track realistic moon cycles, built out my tectonic plates, and understand how mountain ranges, volcanoes, ocean currents, deserts, forests, and trade winds shape my continents. My entire climate and culture design process is wildly more accurate (and fun) because of him. Basically… I’m super extra and detail-oriented, and I have Artifexian to thank—and blame 😅 🔗  Watch Artifexian on YouTube Biblaridion Primarily a conlang channel, Biblaridion also dives deep into speculative evolution and grounded worldbuilding—and let me just say: I LOVE speculative evolution. (Thank you  Star Trek  for introducing me to that early in my younger years!) His speculative evolution series? Incredible. Yes, Alien Biospheres is long—but 100% worth watching or listening to while you work. He builds out entire ecosystems, species, languages, and civilizations based on real evolutionary science, and it’s honestly some of the most immersive and well-thought-out worldbuilding out there. From biome and creature design to fantasy metallurgy and societal development, Biblaridion gives you the tools to make your fictional world feel  real . 🔗  Watch Biblaridion on YouTube Nakari Speardane A newer favorite of mine, Nakari Speardane has a super charming art style and beautifully personal storytelling. Her worldbuilding comes to life through character-driven tales, quiet emotional moments, and cultural snapshots that feel whimsical but grounded. Every video feels like you’re stepping into a storybook—only it’s one she’s  made from scratch . Her work is intimate and rich in feeling, and perfect if you love worlds that feel cozy, thoughtful, and alive. 🔗  Watch Nakari Speardane on YouTube Stoneworks Stoneworks focuses on the sociopolitical and infrastructural elements of worldbuilding. From city planning to religion to empire management, he explores the systems that make civilizations tick. Be warned—Stoneworks can be a little chaotic (and hilarious), sometimes bouncing around a Minecraft server while he unpacks ideas. But don't let the pixel blocks fool you: his insights on urban design, roads, sanitation, fortifications, and trade networks are gold. If you want to build realistic cities and understand the ripple effects of policy and geography, this channel is a must. 🔗  Watch Stoneworks on YouTube Worldbuilding Corner Need a good place to get started on your worldbuilding journey? Look no further than Worldbuilding Corner. This channel is a perfect launchpad for beginners and intermediate worldbuilders. You’ll find structured, clear advice on everything from magic systems to geography to crafting believable cultures. The tone is always friendly, encouraging, and insightful—like having a really smart friend walk you through the process. 🔗  Watch Worldbuilding Corner on YouTube WorldAnvil World Anvil is both a YouTube channel  and  a digital platform I swear by. Their channel offers tutorials, deep dives, and creative prompts that help writers and worldbuilders get inspired—and stay organized. They regularly feature writing challenges, community spotlights, and interviews with authors, giving you both inspiration  and  practical tools. And I personally use their platform to organize a lot of my worldbuilding for both my different fantasy series. (You can even take a sneak peek at mine here :  my World Anvil profile ). It’s been a total game-changer for keeping track of character arcs, timelines, cultural details, and magic systems. 🔗  Watch World Anvil on YouTube MonsterGarden Had to save the best for last. Anyone who’s even brushed the worldbuilding corner of YouTube has likely heard of MonsterGarden. But if you haven’t—you’re in for a treat. MonsterGarden’s world is grimdark but utterly fascinating. His content revolves around a fantasy setting with two warring countries—Verus and Ram—and features unique magic systems, lore-rich cultures, and custom creature designs. His artwork and narrative design are jaw-dropping. He builds systems that are just as compelling as those from Brandon Sanderson, and his recent viral redesign of dwarves? Absolutely brilliant. Not only is he creating this incredible world on YouTube, but he’s also working on turning it into a book. As a writer and worldbuilder, watching his process is like witnessing raw creativity at work. 🔗  Watch MonsterGarden on YouTube Honorable Mentions These channels might not be strictly worldbuilding-focused, but they’ve absolutely influenced how I think and create: Mariah Pattie Worldbuilding  – Her series on fantasy race clothing and fashion? OBSESSED. It’s packed with creative and cultural detail that had me  hooked  from the first episode. I often go back and rewatch it for when I need to brush up on her wonder insights, figuring out how, what, and why your culture wears what they wear can add so much depth without needing to info-dump. Hello Future Me  – Insightful, thoughtful breakdowns on story structure and themes. Great for worldbuilders  and writers alike. Rick's Creation   – Amazing creative work, especially for mythology-inspired storytelling. Concluding Thoughts Worldbuilding can be overwhelming, especially when you want to create something that feels meaningful and real. But you don’t have to do it alone—and you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. These creators have taught me so much, challenged how I think, and inspired me to build more boldly. Whether you’re building for a novel, a game, a comic, or just for fun—give these channels a watch. You might just find your next favorite idea. And if there’s a worldbuilding channel you love that I didn’t mention, drop it in the comments—I’m always looking for more to binge. 😉 Happy worldbuilding! —Bair✍︎ Want to stay up to-date and get exclusive updates and insights on future projects, book launches, writer and reader resources, FREE literature, writing freebies, and a more? Sign up for my Newsletter ! Find more helpful writing tips on the rest of my blog . SUBSCRIBE to the blog on my personal website , Substack , or Medium . Struggling to get your word count in? Check out my writing podcast ! Need a new notebook? Check out my hand-bound books ! Support the blog on Ko-fi ! INSTAGRAM  | LINKEDIN  | PINTEREST Check out My Writer & Reader Merch Store Like this post? Share the link on your social media or pin the image below to your Pinterest board !

ADHD & Writing: What It’s Like Being a Neurospicy Writer If you’re a writer with ADHD (or any other flavor of neurospiciness), you know the rollercoaster: w riting with ADHD is sometimes like trying to herd caffeinated cats in a thunderstorm—chaotic, unpredictable, often messy, but also wildly creative, deeply intuitive, and sometimes… shockingly brilliant. I deas strike like lightning at 2AM, but your ability to finish that paragraph from yesterday? Vanished. You feel everything deeply, you get obsessed with characters that won’t leave you alone, and your desk is a chaotic graveyard of notebooks, pens, and half-finished story outlines. (Definitely not calling myself out here…) If you're a neurospicy writer, you're not alone. As a person with ADHD, I've had first hand experience of being that writer who is a midnight idea hoarder, a chronic over-researcher, a “starts ten projects but finishes one” writer. I have felt the spectrum of abundant magic and absolute mayhem of being a neurodivergent writer. Before I ever knew I was neurodivergent, I often got frustrated at my lack of consistency with projects, constantly starting new ones, and feeling like there was something wrong with me… Which is why I wanted to come on here today and talk about the realities of being a writer with ADHD —the highs, the lows, the creative superpowers, and the executive dysfunction dragons that we neurospicy writers battle on the daily. Table Of Contents The Beautiful & Brilliant Chaos Of The Neurospicy Brain Hyperfixation: A Superpower & Arch-Nemesis Executive Dysfunction & Time Blindness Story Planning & The Panster Life RSD & Sharing Your Writing Neurodivergent Strengths In Writing Too Many Ideas, Not Enough Time 2am Writing When The Writing Hits You Ain't Broke, You Just Built Diff Concluding Thoughts The Beautiful, Brilliant Chaos of the Neurospicy Brain ADHD brains are wired differently, which means our creative process doesn’t always follow the traditional route. We often have vivid imaginations, emotional depth, and a wellspring of ideas that seem to appear out of nowhere. But we’re also battling executive dysfunction, time blindness, and the occasional inability to start—or stop—working. Hyperfixation: A Superpower & An Arch-Nemesis Hyperfixation can feel like being struck by creative lightning. Suddenly you’re writing 8,000 words in a single sitting, fully immersed in your world, typing like crazy like a rainstorm against a tin roof. It’s magical. It's enthralling. It's unstoppable. Until… it's not. When hyperfixation fades, it can leave behind guilt, self-doubt, and a half-finished project. That doesn’t mean you’re lazy—it means your dopamine buffet ran out. The key thing I've learned is to ride the waves and pick up where I've left off with kindness (not shame), and incorporate some kind of awareness that I'm spending so many attention tokens. That way, when I reflect on my progress and analyze the pace I've been going at to see if it is sustainable, I don't get burned out. Which means some of you may have to get real with yourself about whether or not your word goal is actually manageable or not. Executive Dysfunction & Time Blindness Ahhh, executive dysfunction… The bane of my existence. The thing I struggle with the most in all aspects of my life, especially writing. It sucks . You want to write. You plan to write. You sit down to write. And yet… you’ve been staring at a blinking cursor for 45 minutes because your brain hit pause. Or better yet, to avoid the writing you know you should be doing, all the chores you've been putting off for three weeks, miraculously get done in two hours instead of five. Executive dysfunction isn’t about laziness—it’s a neurological hiccup in task initiation. Paired with time blindness ("What do you mean it’s already 5AM and I've somehow pulled an all-nighter!?"), it can make deadlines feel impossible. That's why you have to find what works for you. Find the systems that hack your biology, whether it's timers, body doubling, ambient noise, or micro-deadlines, they can all help bridge the gap between wanting to write and actually writing. Remember to be realistic and gentle with yourself—you’re building a system that works for your brain, not someone else’s. Story Planning & the Pantser Life Outlining? We barely know her. ADHD writers often lean into pantsing (discovery writing), thriving on spontaneity, emotional intuition, and surprise. While traditional plot structures may feel confining, creating loose scaffolding—like broad story beats or scene cards—can give your brain enough freedom to play without getting totally lost in the weeds. Rejection Sensitivity & Sharing Your Work Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is real—👋🏻 hi, I have it, it's a bitch—and brutal. The fear of judgment can make sharing your work with beta readers, critique partners, or even close friends feel like stepping off a cliff. You might second-guess every line, spiral from a single piece of feedback, or ghost your own writing group for weeks. Validation helps, but so does practice. Start small. Share with someone safe. Remind yourself that feedback isn’t a referendum on your worth—it’s a tool for growth. Neurodivergent Strengths in Worldbuilding Your brain connects dots other people don’t even see. That makes you a phenomenal worldbuilder. ADHD writers often create immersive, intricate worlds full of depth and originality. Your curiosity, your capacity to deep-dive into research, your ability to link themes across seemingly unrelated topics—all of this makes your storytelling stand out. But the strengths don’t stop at worldbuilding. ADHD writers also tend to write characters with incredible emotional nuance, tapping into empathy and sensitivity to craft stories that resonate deeply. Dialogue can feel sharper, more natural, more alive, because our minds are constantly observing, processing, and mimicking the way people actually speak. We also excel at voice. Neurodivergent writers often have a distinctive narrative tone—quirky, sharp, poetic, or brutally honest—that makes their work feel original and memorable. Our brains may jump tracks faster than a speeding train, but that often results in unique metaphors, unusual connections, and surprising twists. And let’s not forget: ADHD writers are masters of adaptation. We know how to pivot. If a scene stalls, we change it. If a new idea hits, we find a way to weave it in. Our flexibility is a gift, and our creativity refuses to be boxed in. Lean into that. Build the worlds only you can build. Tell the stories only you can tell. Editing, Burnout, & Project Hopping Editing when the hyperfixation fades can feel like dragging yourself through mud. Suddenly the story isn’t shiny anymore, and a new idea—fresh, exciting, full of dopamine—is calling. This doesn’t mean you’re flaky. It means your brain is chasing novelty because it’s low on stimulation. Try rotating projects, breaking edits into tiny chunks, or gamifying the revision process. Sometimes, just rereading your work can reignite that spark. But also? It’s okay to take a break. Rest is part of the process too. Too Many Ideas, Not Enough Time ADHD writers are idea factories. You’re constantly bombarded by inspiration—shiny concepts, new characters, entire plots that arrive fully formed during your morning shower. But too many ideas can be paralyzing. You start five stories and finish none. Try keeping a dedicated “idea graveyard” or a Notion doc full of cool-but-not-now ideas. This way, you’re not letting them go—you’re just saving them for later. When you find the one that won’t let you go, stick with it. Remind yourself that focus doesn’t mean killing creativity—it just means choosing one thread to follow at a time. Writing at 2AM Because That’s When the Magic Hits For many ADHD writers, the hours between 2 AM and 4 AM are when the stars align, and suddenly, you’re a literary genius. While this isn’t always practical for long-term sustainability (hi, sleep deprivation), don’t discount your body’s natural rhythm. If night writing works for you, lean into it—just be mindful of burnout. If you can’t write during traditional hours, carve out your own sacred time. Creativity isn’t a 9-5 job. You’re Not Broken—You’re Just Built Differently Here’s the thing: neurodivergent writers don’t need to be “fixed.” You’re not behind. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re navigating a creative process that wasn’t designed with your brain in mind—and yet, here you are, still writing. Still dreaming. Still telling stories. Go you! The way you think, feel, and create is valid. The magic is real—even if it doesn’t always look like other people’s magic. Concluding Thoughts: Embrace the Chaos, Honor the Magic Being a neurospicy writer comes with its own special brand of highs and lows—but if there’s one truth I hope you walk away with, it’s this: you are not alone, and your creative process is valid. You may write out of order, skip drafts, forget to eat while hyperfocusing, or cry over line edits—and still, you are a writer. You deserve grace, flexibility, and creative joy. Build systems that support your unique brain, and don’t let the traditional rules of writing shame you into thinking you’re doing it wrong. You’re not. You’re doing it your way, and that is freaking awesome . “The word creativity is closely linked to the word genius, since both words have the root meaning ‘to give birth.’ Essentially, creativity designates the capacity to give birth to new ways of looking at things.” — Thomas Armstrong, Awakening Genius in the Classroom .  Happy writing! —Bair✍︎ Want to stay up to-date and get exclusive updates and insights on future projects, book launches, writer and reader resources, FREE literature, writing freebies, and a more? Sign up for my Newsletter ! Find more helpful writing tips on the rest of my blog . SUBSCRIBE to the blog on my personal website , Substack , or Medium . Struggling to get your word count in? Check out my writing podcast ! Need a new notebook? Check out my hand-bound books ! Support the blog on Ko-fi ! 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Why I Recommend Reedsy for Writers at Every Stage I first found Reedsy thanks to a writer friend who shared one of their blog posts with me. I expected a nice article or two—but what I discovered was an absolute goldmine. Reedsy quickly became one of my go-to writer resources. It has more tools, tips, and professional connections than almost any other writing platform I’ve come across—even more than my own blog! Whether you're brand new to the craft or getting ready to publish your fifth book, Reedsy offers something valuable at every step. It’s a platform that grows with you, from your first idea to your final draft and beyond. Table Of Contents What Is Reedsy? Who It's Great For Who It's Not For Reedsy VS Other Platforms Community & Confidence Tools Worth Exploring Reedsy Marketplace Email Courses = Gold Trust & Quality Resources I Love Most Concluding Thoughts What Is Reedsy? Reedsy is an all-in-one platform designed to support authors throughout the entire writing and publishing process. From craft-focused blog posts and free email courses to professional editors, cover designers, and marketers, Reedsy bridges the gap between dreaming about your book and actually putting it into readers' hands. It's like having a toolkit, classroom, and publishing team all in one beautifully designed place. You can write, learn, plan, and hire—all without leaving the site. Whether you're aiming to self-publish or preparing to query traditional publishers, Reedsy offers a supportive structure to help you move forward with clarity and confidence. Who It’s Great For Reedsy is perfect for writers at nearly every stage—from those just starting to explore the craft to authors preparing for launch. It’s especially useful if you’re looking to self-publish with clarity and confidence, or if you want to take your existing process to the next level. If you value learning, community, and high-quality tools, Reedsy offers all three in one place. It’s also great for writers who want access to industry professionals but aren’t sure where to start. Instead of Googling aimlessly or risking your budget on unvetted freelancers, Reedsy gives you a curated, trustworthy space to connect with the right people. And for those looking to grow their skills, publish with polish, or simply be part of a larger writing ecosystem—Reedsy is a smart, empowering step forward. Who It’s Not For If you’re someone who prefers to manage everything within one platform—writing, editing, formatting, publishing—Reedsy might feel like one extra step. It’s more of a supplement than a standalone solution. You’ll still need to pair it with tools like Scrivener , Vellum , Canva, or KDP, depending on what your project needs. But if you’re comfortable piecing together your own creative system, Reedsy fits in beautifully. It’s also not the best fit for those looking for an audience-building platform. Unlike sites that let you publish serialized fiction or articles for public feedback, Reedsy is focused on behind-the-scenes support. It helps you  prepare  your book for an audience, not necessarily build one through shared content. Reedsy vs Other Platforms Unlike platforms like Wattpad or Medium, which focus on sharing your writing publicly, Reedsy is focused on helping you publish professionally. It’s not about building an audience through serialized content—it’s about learning the craft, connecting with experts, and getting your book ready for shelves, both digital and physical. Where other platforms are built for visibility or blogging, Reedsy is built for  authors . It's also more robust than simply being a database of freelancers or a blog site. Reedsy combines education, professional development, and publication support in a cohesive ecosystem. You can draft, edit, hire, learn, and plan your launch all in one place—and that convenience, when paired with quality, makes it stand out in a crowded landscape of writing tools. Community & Confidence More than anything, Reedsy made me feel less alone in the writing and publishing process. It reminded me that there’s a whole world of writers out there working through the same challenges, and there are tools and people ready to help. Having access to that kind of support—whether through an article, a professional edit, or a prompt contest—helped build my confidence as a writer and reaffirmed that this journey is something I don’t have to do alone. It also gave me a sense of momentum. Every time I explored a new tool or resource, I felt like I was leveling up. Whether I was outlining a story, writing a query letter, or comparing developmental editors, I wasn’t guessing anymore—I had a partner in the process. That kind of quiet encouragement can be everything when you’re deep in the trenches of storytelling. Tools Worth Exploring Reedsy offers several free tools that can help streamline your writing process. Their Book Editor is a clean, minimalist drafting space that lets you write, format, and export your manuscript for publishing. It’s not as robust as Scrivener, but it’s great for writers who want a distraction-free option with built-in formatting. The interface is simple, sleek, and intuitive, making it a great option for those who want to focus solely on getting their words on the page. They also have a Title Generator, Character Name Generator, and Blurb Generator—super helpful when you're stuck on the little things. These tools are fast, fun, and surprisingly inspiring when you’re feeling stuck or unsure. There are also editing and collaboration features that let you work with hired professionals directly within the platform. Everything is saved, tracked, and managed in one place, making it easy to keep your workflow organized, especially during the revision and publication stages. Reedsy Marketplace The Marketplace is one of Reedsy’s standout features. You can connect with vetted, experienced professionals across the publishing industry—from developmental editors and proofreaders to cover designers, publicists, and ghostwriters. You can browse their portfolios, request quotes, and compare rates and reviews to find the best fit for your project. Everything is transparent, easy to navigate, and designed to help you make confident decisions about your team. What sets it apart is the level of access you have—not just to freelancers, but to real industry professionals. Many of the people on Reedsy have worked with traditional publishing houses or bestselling indie authors. It’s an incredible way to network, get professional critiques, and talk with people who truly understand the writing and publishing landscape. You don’t just hire someone—you learn from them, collaborate with them, and gain insight into what it takes to succeed in today’s competitive market. Email Courses = Gold Reedsy’s free email courses are short, practical, and actually useful. I’ve done many of them over the years, and I always walk away with something new—whether it’s a clearer understanding of structure, a more compelling approach to character arcs, or a better grasp on the business side of writing. These aren’t fluffy newsletters. They’re mini masterclasses delivered straight to your inbox, packed with examples, insights, and actionable advice. You’ll find topics like worldbuilding, outlining, writing emotional scenes, and building an author platform—all delivered right to your inbox. They’re perfect if you like learning in bite-sized chunks without committing to a full-on workshop. It’s like a mini masterclass that fits into your lunch break, but with real takeaways you can immediately apply to your current or future writing projects. I revisit a few of them from time to time—they're that good. Trust & Quality One of the best parts of Reedsy is the trust factor. The professionals in the Marketplace are carefully vetted, and the platform as a whole feels safe and reliable—especially if you’re hiring an editor or designer for the first time. You don’t have to worry about being scammed or getting subpar work. Reedsy’s built-in messaging, contracts, and feedback system provide accountability and peace of mind. That level of trust extends to every part of the platform. You know that every tool, resource, and piece of content has been created with authors in mind. It’s not just a tech company dipping its toes into publishing—it’s a space  built  for writers, by people who genuinely care about the craft. Resources I Love Most Reedsy’s blog is filled with in-depth, accessible articles that cover everything from character arcs and story structure to writing blurbs and planning your launch. They don’t just scratch the surface—they go deep into the heart of storytelling, breaking down complex topics in an easy-to-understand way. They offer free query letter and synopsis templates, which are invaluable when you're navigating the publishing world, especially for the first time. One of my favorite features is their weekly writing contest—every Friday, they post a list of themed prompts and offer a cash prize to the best short story submission. It’s a great opportunity to explore new story ideas, get exposure, and maybe even be featured on their site. As mentioned above, they also offer bite-sized, insightful email courses on a wide range of writing topics. These are excellent for busy writers who want to keep learning in small, manageable chunks—whether you want to build a fantasy world, craft better dialogue, or prepare your marketing strategy. The courses are practical, engaging, and written by professionals who know the industry inside and out. Check out Reedsy here or click the button below! Concluding Thoughts Reedsy is one of the few platforms I recommend to  every  writer I meet. Whether you’re deep in your first draft or preparing to launch your fifth book, there’s something here for you—resources, tools, community, and a clear path forward. It’s smart, supportive, and designed to meet writers where they are. So if you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure of your next step, Reedsy might just be the helping hand you've been looking for. Best of luck to you on your writing journey and adventures! —Bair✍︎ Want to stay up to-date on get exclusive updates and insights on future projects, book launches, writer and reader resources, FREE literature, writing freebies, and a more? Sign up for my Newsletter ! Find more helpful writing tips on the rest of my blog . Struggling to get your word count in? Check out my writing podcast ! Need a new notebook? Check out my hand-bound books ! Support the blog on Ko-fi ! INSTAGRAM  | LINKEDIN  | PINTEREST Check out My Writer & Reader Merch Store Like this post? Share the link on your social media or pin the image below to your Pinterest board !

If you’re looking for a clean, reliable, and professional formatting tool for self-publishing—look no further. Vellum is the gold standard. It’s trusted by countless indie authors for a reason: it makes your book look stunning inside and out, with minimal effort and zero formatting headaches. Whether you’re preparing an eBook, a paperback, or both, Vellum handles the heavy lifting so you can focus on what matters most—your words. Formatting used to be the final boss in my self-publishing journey. I remember staring at my manuscript in a Word doc, squinting at weird margins, trying to figure out how to make it look halfway decent for print—and failing miserably. Then I found Vellum. The first time I dropped my book into it and saw the clean chapter headings, elegant spacing, and polished layout, I was blown away. It finally looked like a real  book. That was a turning point for me—not just in how I formatted my books, but in how I viewed my own work. It’s one thing to see your story on a screen, but another entirely to see it come alive in typeset pages that look indistinguishable from traditionally published novels. It gave me a sense of legitimacy, a feeling that yes, I am an author, and yes, my work deserves to be beautifully presented. So, what exactly is Vellum, and why do so many authors swear by it? Table Of Contents What Is Vellum? Who Is Vellum For? Who Vellum Is Not For What Makes Vellum Special What You Need To Know Readers Notice Quality Paired With Vellum Future Projects & Series Formatting A Downside To Vellum – Mac-Only Reality My Favorite Features Concluding Thoughts What Is Vellum? Vellum is a professional-grade formatting tool for authors that transforms your manuscript into a beautifully designed book, ready for eBook platforms and print-on-demand publishing. It’s built for Mac and offers a user-friendly interface that makes even the most intimidating parts of formatting feel simple and intuitive. No coding, no complicated design templates—just a straightforward experience that gives you high-end results. Whether you're preparing your debut novel or refreshing the look of your entire backlist, Vellum makes the process efficient and—dare I say—fun. Who Is Vellum For Vellum is ideal for indie authors, hybrid authors, and anyone handling their own formatting. It’s for storytellers who care deeply about the reader’s experience and want their book to reflect the love and labor they’ve poured into every word. If you want a finished product that rivals the look and feel of a traditionally published book—without needing to hire a professional formatter—Vellum is a perfect fit. It’s also fantastic for authors managing multiple series or projects, because once you get the hang of it, it becomes second nature. Who Vellum Is Not For Vellum is Mac-only, which is a bummer if you're a Windows user without access to a workaround. It’s also not a tool for writing, editing, or cover design—its focus is purely formatting. If you’re still early in your writing journey or not yet ready to publish, you may want to hold off on buying it until you're closer to needing it. It’s best suited for writers who are actively preparing for publication and want a clean, professional product without hiring out. What Makes Vellum Special The magic of Vellum is that it doesn’t just make formatting easier—it elevates your work. It’s sleek, smooth, and surprisingly powerful. You don’t need to be a tech wizard to use it, and it handles all the annoying stuff for you: drop caps, automatic page breaks, table of contents, front matter, back matter, scene break symbols—you name it. It takes what’s often the most stressful step of publishing and turns it into something streamlined and satisfying. There's a beautiful clarity to the interface that makes it easy to navigate, and within minutes, you can see your book laid out exactly how it will appear to readers. What You Need to Know Vellum is a one-time purchase with two pricing options: $249 for eBook formatting or $299 for both eBook and print. There’s no subscription, no recurring charges—just pay once and it’s yours for life. You can download and explore the software for free, with the only limitation being that your exports will have a watermark until you purchase a license. It’s a significant upfront investment, but one that pays off quickly if you’re publishing more than one book. And considering how much time and stress it saves, it's absolutely worth it in my experience. 💰 Cost: $249 (eBooks only) or $299 (eBooks + print) 🖥️ Platform: Mac only 📦 Free trial: Yes, with watermark on exports 💡 Tip: Format once, and reuse the same style/template forever Readers Notice Quality Readers may not always be able to explain  why  your book looks good—but they absolutely feel it when the formatting is off. Poor spacing, inconsistent margins, and awkward text breaks can make a book feel amateurish, even if the writing itself is strong. Vellum eliminates all of that by giving your work a polished, high-quality layout that invites trust. It makes the experience seamless for the reader and allows your story to shine through without distractions. Paired With Vellum (What You Still Need) Vellum is brilliant at what it does, but it’s not an all-in-one publishing suite. You’ll still need a great cover, a solid editor (shoutout to ProWritingAid), and a publishing platform like Amazon KDP, Draft2Digital, or IngramSpark. Luckily, Vellum produces files that are perfectly formatted and compatible with all the major self-publishing platforms, so you’ll never have to worry about whether your uploads will work. It plays very well with others. Reuse for Future Projects & Series Formatting One of the biggest time-saving perks of Vellum is the ability to reuse your styles and formatting choices across multiple books. If you’re working on a series, you can keep everything consistent—chapter styles, font choices, headers, and layout—making your books feel connected and cohesive. It also makes formatting sequels ridiculously easy. Once your formatting setup is in place, it’s a simple drag-and-drop process to apply the same professional polish again. Mac-Only Reality Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: Vellum only works on Macs. If you’re a Windows user, you’ll need to either borrow a Mac, buy a secondhand one for formatting purposes, or use a service like MacInCloud, which lets you access a virtual Mac for a small fee. It’s not ideal, but it is doable—and many authors find that the results are worth the extra step. If you  do  have access to a Mac, though, using Vellum is pure joy. My Favorite Features One of my absolute favorite features is the live preview mode, which lets you see exactly how your book will look on devices like Kindle, iPad, or in print layout. I also adore the thoughtfully designed styles—they’re minimal, elegant, and professional, with enough variety to suit most genres. Creating front and back matter is a breeze, and adding links, author bios, and series listings feels intuitive rather than technical. Exporting files for multiple platforms—Kindle, Apple Books, Nook, Kobo, and print-ready PDFs—is done in seconds, and the files are flawless every time. No weird formatting surprises, no last-minute panic. Just clean, beautiful output. Concluding Thoughts Vellum didn’t write my book—but it made it  feel  like a book. It bridged the gap between a finished manuscript and a professional product I could be proud to share with readers. It took the stress out of formatting and replaced it with creative excitement. And most importantly, it helped me put my work into the world with confidence. If you’re serious about publishing and want a tool that helps you showcase your work at its best, Vellum is one of the smartest investments you can make as an author. Have I convinced you yet? Check out Vellum here  or click the button below! Next up? A deeper look at  Reedsy —a site that has saved me more times than I can count. Stay tuned! —Bair✍︎ Disclaimer: Please note that this blog post contains affiliate links, which means I may receive a referral commission at no extra cost to you . This support helps keep my website up & running, and me writing! Thanks so much for your support! Want to stay up to-date on get exclusive updates and insights on future projects, book launches, writer and reader resources, FREE literature, writing freebies, and a more? Sign up for my Newsletter ! Find more helpful writing tips on the rest of my blog . Struggling to get your word count in? Check out my writing podcast ! Need a new notebook? Check out my hand-bound books ! Support the blog on Ko-fi ! INSTAGRAM  | LINKEDIN  | PINTEREST Check out My Writer & Reader Merch Store Like this post? Share the link on your social media or pin the image below to your Pinterest board !

Why I Use ProWritingAid for Editing (and You Should Too) I used to think I was a pretty solid self-editor—until ProWritingAid politely (but firmly) pointed out that I had written the word “just” 72 times in a single chapter. It was humbling. And honestly? Incredibly helpful. This tool didn’t just improve my grammar—it leveled up my  writing , and by extension, my confidence as a writer. Whether you're polishing your very first novel, cranking out a high-stakes college essay, or cleaning up blog posts (like this one), ProWritingAid is the tool I trust to make my writing tighter, cleaner, and actually more  me . It's not just a tool I use—it's a tool that's actively helped shape the way I write and edit. Table Of Contents What is ProWritingAid? What ProWritingAid Does Customization & Goals Learning Through Editing Use Cases Beyond Fiction Who ProWritingAid May Not Be For Better Than Grammarly! My Favorite Features How ProWritingAid Has Helped Me What YOU Need To Know Pro-Tips For ProWritingAid Concluding Thoughts What Is ProWritingAid? ProWritingAid is a writing assistant designed to help you improve your writing at every level. From catching grammar mistakes to refining style, pacing, and sentence flow, it's built with writers in mind—especially those working on long-form creative content like novels, essays, or blog posts. Think of it as your personal editor, mentor, and cheerleader, all in one. What ProWritingAid Does ProWritingAid is more than a grammar checker—it’s like having a personal editor who  actually  teaches you as you go. While Grammarly is great for basic fixes, ProWritingAid digs deeper into your style, readability, flow, and clarity. It analyzes things like: Overused words Sentence length variation Sticky or gluey phrases Passive voice Dialogue tags Clichés and redundancies Readability level Each report gives you real insights—not just “fix this,” but  why  you should consider fixing it. That kind of feedback has helped me grow so much as a writer. It’s almost like having an invisible mentor perched on your shoulder, giving you mini writing lessons every time you revise a page. Customization & Goals One of the coolest things about ProWritingAid is how customizable it is. You can tailor it to your specific needs, which makes the feedback more helpful and less overwhelming. For example, you can: Choose your writing style (creative, academic, business, etc.) Set personal editing goals to focus on what matters most to you Prioritize specific improvements like cutting down on adverbs or minimizing passive voice Build your own style guide if you want to keep terminology, spelling, or phrasing consistent across large projects This flexibility makes it super versatile whether you're editing a novel, polishing an essay, or refining a professional document. It molds itself to your goals. Learning Through Editing One of the best things about using ProWritingAid is how it teaches you to become your own editor. I started to see my most common habits—like opening every other sentence with "I," leaning too hard on filler words like "really" and "just," and relying on vague adjectives. Over time, I started catching these issues  before  the program did. Editing with ProWritingAid is like going through mini writing lessons in real time. The more you revise with it, the more you internalize what makes prose effective, sharp, and readable. It's made me a more intentional writer, even in my first drafts. I now think more critically about word choice, rhythm, and sentence structure while I'm drafting—not just when I'm cleaning things up later. Use Cases Beyond Fiction This tool isn’t just for novelists. ProWritingAid has become a staple in nearly every corner of my writing life. It’s just as valuable for everyday writers, students, bloggers, and professionals as it is for novelists. Whether I'm polishing a passion project or fine-tuning something work-related, I know I can rely on ProWritingAid to help me say what I mean—clearly, confidently, and with style. I use it for: Blog posts (yes, including this one!) Query letters and synopses (because first impressions matter) Academic writing and essays Work emails and pitches Basically, if I’m writing it, I’m running it through ProWritingAid. It’s also a great accountability buddy when I’m procrastinating—I can run a report and trick my brain into thinking I’m being productive (because I  am ). Who It Might Not Be For As much as I love ProWritingAid, I’ll be real—it’s not for everyone. If you’re the kind of writer who thrives with handwritten notes in the margins, prefers minimal feedback, or feels overwhelmed by too many suggestions at once, this tool might feel like a lot. Some writers just want to fix typos and move on. If that’s you, something simpler like Grammarly might be a better fit. But if you're looking for a tool that helps you  understand  your writing and grow over time, ProWritingAid is unmatched. It’s a tool for writers who want to  level up  their craft—not just tidy it up. What Makes It Better Than Grammarly (IMO) I’ve tried both, and here’s the truth: Grammarly is great for casual editing. But ProWritingAid? It’s for writers. It goes deeper, offers more nuanced feedback, and doesn’t just clean up your mistakes—it helps you  grow  past them. ProWritingAid makes you think about  why  something isn’t working. It doesn’t just auto-fix things; it explains the logic behind the suggestions. That’s what makes it such a great tool for writers who care about craft. Plus, it doesn’t bombard me with “upgrade to premium!” pop-ups or try to make everything sound like corporate marketing copy. My Favorite Features ProWritingAid comes packed with over 20 reports, but my go-to favorites are the Style Report, Repetition Checker, and Sticky Sentence tool. The Combo Report is a total timesaver, running everything at once for a full diagnostic sweep. I also love the browser extension for emails and the Scrivener integration—chef’s kiss. It’s everything I need to clean up my prose without losing my voice. There are over 20 detailed reports, but here are the ones I use the most: Style Report : Helps refine tone and sentence construction. Great for tightening prose without flattening your voice. Repetition Checker : Catches echoes I didn’t even notice. Apparently, I’m obsessed with certain phrases. Sticky Sentence Checker : Highlights hard-to-read or clunky phrases that slow the reader down. Readability Report : Great for spotting when a section is too dense or too simple for the tone I want. Combo Report : Runs everything at once—my go-to for second and third drafts when I want the full picture. Browser Extension : I love using this for emails, newsletters, and even social posts. Yes, I’m that person. Scrivener Integration : Yes, it works with my favorite writing tool! Major win. How It Helped Me Personally In fiction, ProWritingAid helps me cut fluff, improve pacing, and become more aware of how my sentences  feel . It’s taught me to recognize when I’m being too vague, overly repetitive, or drifting into passive voice. These were habits I didn’t even realize I had until I saw them flagged over and over again. When I was in college, ProWritingAid was a game-changer for academic papers too. I turned in clearer, more concise essays, and I genuinely believe it contributed to better grades. Professors appreciate clarity just as much as creativity. It also made me more confident in self-editing. I no longer feel like I’m guessing when I revise—I  know  what to look for, and more importantly, how to fix it. I’ve become much more efficient and intentional, which saves me tons of time and energy in the long run. What You Need To Know 💸 Cost: Free version available | $20/month or $399 lifetime 🖥️ Platform: Mac, Windows, web app, browser extension, Google Docs integration 🆓 Free Trial: Yes! Limited access, but enough to test the features 💡 Tip: The lifetime license is so worth it if you plan to keep writing long term. Once you get used to it, it becomes part of your writing routine—like a warm-up before the real workout. And the investment pays off fast if you're consistently producing content. Pro-Tips For Using ProWritingAid Always start with the Combo Report —it’s a timesaver and gives you the full overview. Use it in waves : I usually run it after a first draft polish and again after big structural edits. Don’t blindly accept every suggestion : Learn from it! Trust your voice. Use it as a guide, not gospel. Use it to identify patterns in your writing —you’ll start noticing bad habits before the tool even flags them. Save your reports : They’re fun to look back on later (and useful if you’re tracking progress over time). Concluding Thoughts Editing isn’t just about fixing errors—it’s about growing as a writer. ProWritingAid has helped me become a sharper storyteller, a clearer communicator, and a more confident reviser. It’s helped me spot weak points I never noticed before and polish my work with intention instead of guesswork. If you’re serious about your craft, this is one investment I can’t recommend enough. It’s not just an editing tool—it’s a growth tool. Have I convinced you yet? Check out ProWritingAid here  or click the button below! Next up? I’ll be sharing my love letter to  Vellum —aka, the tool that makes my books look stunning inside and out. Stay tuned! —Bair✍︎ Disclaimer: Please note that this blog post contains affiliate links, which means I may receive a referral commission at no extra cost to you . This support helps keep my website up & running, and me writing! Thanks so much for your support! Want to stay up to-date on get exclusive updates and insights on future projects, book launches, writer and reader resources, FREE literature, writing freebies, and a more? 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